trashcans in the street

Test post part deux

2012-01-08T17:03:00.001-05:00

Here is my second post using blogsy.

Aweditorium

2012-01-04T20:09:00.002-05:00

Finding new music is a problem for many people. Spotify and Pandora do provide both almost unlimited access to all music and music recommendations based on your tastes, respectively. While tools like these are great, there is plenty of void left within the music discovery experience that is left unfulfilled. Aweditorium makes an attempt at generating a more unique and interactive musical discovery experience.

Upon starting Aweditorium, you are presented with a beautiful user interface made up of a grid of slightly grayed out images that each represent a different song for you to experience. Click on an image and the screen navigates to it, opening the image and playing the song. You also see the lyrics displayed at the bottom of the screen. When you click on the screen, the lyrics are replaced with VH1-style pop ups with random facts about the band or musician. From this screen you also have other options. If you like the song, you can share it via Twitter or Facebook. You can purchase it from itunes. For some you can also open a video with an interview of the band/musician. Once you are done, you can go back to the grid page to navigate around and listen to more music. The entire experience is very smooth, seamless and a lot of fun. It gives a sense of interaction that is lacking from other music apps.

Considering that this is a music app, the sound quality is very good and you are even prompted to use headphones for the best experience. I actually enjoyed sitting next to my ipad in my living room, listening off of the iPad speakers. Either way you will have a quality aural experience.

One very important note to make would be the musical offerings. Within a few minutes with Aweditorium it became very obvious that this app focuses strongly on various takes on indie rock. While these can range from folk to math rock, from what I could tell almost all of it would fall under the broad genre of indie rock. There was a small sampling of hip hop and world music. One thing you will not find is any top 40 or too well-known musicians. Personally this works perfect for my musical tastes, but might not appeal to everyone.

Another nice thing that Aweditorium does is when you pull back to the grid, not only are the songs you have listened to, now lit up, there is also a more meta screen in the top left that illustrates what percent of everything you have explored.

Overall Aweditorium is a great addition to music apps. It certainly fills a void through its interactivity and slick interface. While the musical offerings may be narrow, if you do have any interest in indie rock or any one-offs from the genre, you may find yourself blissed out. Even if you are not someone who keeps up with sites like Pitchfork or Coke Machine Glow, exploring different styles of music can broaden your horizons and I can think of no current app out there that makes it this much fun. Also considering that this app is free, I can't recommend this app enough.

mr. fix-it

2011-12-07T13:52:00.001-05:00

one thing i am very slowly and hesitantly trying to achieve is to become more handy and able to do household things that normal people probably consider easy. i don't know why i have avoided a lot of this stuff in the past. i guess i always had those fears of attempting to fix something and in the process making it worse. or the other avenue of attempting something seemingly easy, yet it becomes a much bigger production that takes a ton more time, effort and money to actually complete. i hate the idea of both. that and for the past few years brodie has been a good resource for fixing things while maybe not the best at showing me how it's done, but that's more my fault (and laziness) than his. anyways, i need to learn some of this stuff myself and just gain a little more experience and confidence in doing these types of things.

i recently replaced a sink and it's fixtures, but then again it was aided by brodie and relatively uneventful in that it actually worked out. my current project is repainting dave's old room with josie. we chose a dark green paint, purchased some rollers and went to town on sunday. overall things went pretty well.

positives:

the color (grapevine) looks great
it didn't take forever
i was able to thwart josie's attempts at starting a paint war...somebody has to be the mature one
doing corners and edges was relatively easy

negatives:

even though the walls were white, we apparently should have used primer first
now we know to cover the electrical outlets with tape
we probably should have gotten 2 gallons of paint

so at this point i believe we are just going to use the remaining third gallon of paint and give most of the room a second coat. hopefully that works out ok and gets rid of the spotting that is driving josie crazy. then we can clean up, move the furniture in and voila! we will then have a new office/den/hangout/library/music/art/makeout room. i am looking forward to this room as well as clearing out a lot of the stuff temporarily stored in my bedroom.

assuming that all works out, our next project is to recaulk the shower. i have watched a few videos on how to do this and it seems deceptively easy. i just know that i am in store for some sort of nightmarish flooding, shower-collapsing situation. i have my tools - knife, razor blades, mold-resistant caulk, caulk gun, some sort of cleaner. so we should be good to go. josie has already claimed dibs on the knifing and scraping as this is somehow appealing to her.i obliged.

la di da

2011-12-06T15:21:00.001-05:00

oh hai there internet. it's been a while. i wrote not too long ago about my lack of blogging, but it was dumb. it served the purpose of getting me to write while itself, forever sitting on my virtual shelf, never to be published. maybe in the future i will grab some especially nonsensical sentences from it and try to pass them off as some sort of poetic, short form blogging. but really, i will just be glad that it got me back on the blog while forever feeling shame anytime i think of it's stupid face.

tonight josie and i are attending some fancy gala/event for urbanite magazine. i say "fancy" because when josie looked up last year's event they showed a picture of a guy wearing a blazer. therefore, i will now be wearing some sort of non t-shirt outfit. i know this sounds like complaining, but as long as we don't end up at some eyes wide shut style gathering, we should be good. we get to get out of the house and go to some high-brow event that will have some food and drinks (i hope?). we get to do something different and josie gets to dress up. also, it's free, which is the type of activity i am appreciating more and more.

one thing though that i am not feeling great about is the fact that when i bought my suit a few years ago, i made the unfortunate decision to get pants that were pleated. i don't actually remember making that decision and i find it hard to believe that if given the option i would not go for normal...and yet here i am...a man with annoying pleated pants. i bet those jerks at the men's warehouse had some crazy surplus of p.p.'s and decided to unload them on unsuspecting, ignorant customers like myself. hopefully i can just get some replacement pants that are of the unpleated variety that also match my suit.

with that whining over with, i am officially getting hyped about tonight, what should i expect?

fancy people

fancy hor devours

mingling and dancing

time to start keeping a dish towel over my shoulder

2011-06-07T14:46:00.013-04:00

this past saturday, josie, eskay, dave, katie and i, volunteered at the american visionary art museum gala. this made for a nice night in a number of ways. it was something completely different from my normal weekend evening. it was free for us. we got to enjoy the awesome parade that included people dancing on stilts, a roller derby team, various dancers, a marching band, other weird stuff, and lewis black riding by on an elephant float. there was a fun live band that did party covers and also were dressed up as if they were amish. there were lots of crazy costumes including a life size sock monkey that josie loved. we got to drink for free. finally, and this is what i mainly want to discuss, our volunteer jobs at this event were as bartenders.

if you look closely you can see him on the elephant. he was smoking a cigarette and giving the finger to people while he was waiting to enter

various parts of all of my jobs involved some aspect of service, though never outright as a "server" and never involving food/drink. while many people who do this for a living probably don't enjoy it too much, this was an opportunity for me to give it a try. it really was an ideal situation as i was not an employee and the actual drinks we served were super easy to serve. also we got to keep any tips we made.

when we first arrived, michele had josie and i work at the wine bar. this was pretty easy as all we were doing was asking if people wanted red or white and pouring it in cups for them. easy money and it never got very crowded on our side. dave and katie on the other hand were working the first shift at the kettle one bar that involved pouring premade vodka drinks down a cpiral tube encased in an ice sculpture. that are was a lot more crowded and the act of pouring the drinks down this tube made it slow goings. they looked stressed. michele later asked us to relieve them and we did. i was excited knowing this was my real chance to play bartender.
it sounds silly and maybe privileged of me, but i really had fun being a "bartender". i enjoyed the action of running around making drinks, keeping everyone happy. i noticed how all of a sudden lots of people were striking up conversations with me and i found that fun. i learned that my go-to move is the thumbs up. i am easily swayed to dole out shots or add extra vodka to the premade drinks by having the drinker follow my eyes to the tip jar. josie was told she was beautiful a number of times and while nobody was as forthright with their admiration of my looks (though one girl told me she loved my pirate costume and brought me a cupcake...i'll count that as a win), i did see how it would be easy for a single guy bartender to keep conversations going and get to know the ladies. oh yeah...did i mention eskay and i dressed up as pirates? well we did and it was pretty silly. our shirts kept getting more and more unbuttoned as the night progressed.
at the end of it, we all had a fun night where we made a little money, though dave may have been ripped off by the kettle one rep. i offered to give him about half of the money i earned, but his scorn and anger towards the kettle one guy burns too brightly to accept. for now, that money sits on our dining room table, surely to be used to buy something ill-advised in the near future. even with that, josie and i were able to enjoy a great sage lunch and buy an amazing book from her store about inter-species friendships. a dog and a koi are bff's??? that's ridiculous! obviously it was a lot of fun and i hope to do it again next year.

bullets forever

2011-05-10T10:28:00.005-04:00

i am writing this last minute as the wizards are planning on unveiling their new color scheme (i believe bullets rwb, but we'll see). Either way, this is a good first step towards returning to the name back to the bullets away from the awful wizards.

i have been so engrossed with nba playoffs this season as it seems like just about anything can happen. it's great and i am soaking it in. lakers got swept! again, i am maintaining my main focus on routing against the heat, though they are looking incredibly strong and it is so annoying.

chris was hyping up the grizzlies before their series with the thunder. i thought that they just took advantage of a good matchup against the old spurs, but they look real legit. i am also routing for dirk nowitzki and crazy mavs owner mark cuban. dirk looks like louis which makes me happy. whatever happens, somebody just please beat the stupid heat.

i have also picked up my nba 2k11 game after a long layoff and have been enjoying that. i am playing as the wiz. john wall is blowin up. i got rid of rashard lewis in a shrewd trade involving the final season in michael redd's contract and just generally cleaned house. that game is so much fun, though much more challenging than previous versions. it looks great on my tv. now i just need to figure out who to draft and cut john wall's turnovers to under 10 a game.

playoffs and lots of videos (make sure to watch the shaq one)

2011-04-14T12:09:00.006-04:00

another season of the nba has concluded. playoffs start in a few days. overall this season had a lot going for it. lebron and the heat became super villains and a really fun team to root against. the wizards had a legitimate superstar rookie, only to be outshone by a superhuman rookie. derrick rose emerged as a top 5 player. carmelo got traded to the knicks and his old team improved. celtics started off great but look pretty old right now. they also made a very questionable trade. the kings are probably going to move. doug collins did a geat coaching job and have the 76ers in the playoffs. the blazers have done well even with an ailing brandon roy. my fantasy team went undefeated through the regular season, only to lose to the #5 seed in the semifinals. also, the first american born asian player made an nba team. i'm sad that it could be shaq's last season.

i know that nobody who reads this cares, but i have had a great time watching the season go by. i went to a wizards game this season with josie and her dad to see the 2 aforementioned rookies show their stuff. it was a great time and i'm glad i got to go to a game this season. the wizards were no good, but it was to be expected. john wall looks as good as advertised and for the first time i really have a sens of hope and optimism for the future direction of the team. they were able to get rid of a lot of bad contract money through trades and buyouts. they drafted well last year and got a #1 pick from last years draft. jordan crawford looks like he could have a chance to be special. mcgee and blatche appear to be heading in the right direction. mcgee won 2nd place in the dunk contest. we have 2 first round picks in the upcoming draft. we still have the stupid contract of rashard lewis. we badly need a small forward and backups in pg and c. not sure what to do about nick young.

this year, the wizards will have the 4th most lottery balls in the draft lottery. this year is looking real slim, especially it harrison barnes and jared sullenger decide to stay in school. if we can't get derrick williams, then i don't think it really matters. hopefully they can just find another piece to the puzzle. hopefully ernie will keep making smart moves and there will actually be a season next year.

anyways, since the zards are clearly not in the playoffs, it's time for me to figure out who to root for. not to toot my own horn, but i was big on derrick rose prior to the season. i predicted a breakout year for him and made him my second round pick in my fantasy draft. he is definitely one of my favorite players due to his leadership, temperament and explosiveness. with that said, the bulls ended up with the best record in the league so it's kind of whack for me to be rooting for them. nobody else in the east intrigues me. i guess i just hope for some spectacular failing from the heat.

in the west there are a few teams that could contend for my affection. dirk nowitzki looks like louis, so the mavs are in the running. i am also a fan of owner mark cuban and i had rodrigue beaubois on my fantasy team. i like how portland came together and did well even when the superstar faltered due to injury. the emergence of lamarcus aldridge was a great story. they are underdogs, so i could root for the blazers. the thunder are sneaking up on people, even though they shouldn't. back when i was playing a loot of nba 2k10, i would always play as the thunder and use westbrook and durant to straight abuse chris. they also beefed up their inside by trading for kendrick perkins. out of these 3 teams, the thunder have the best chance of emerging. so i think we have out answer. i will go with them and hope for the best.

you are wrong. i am right.

2011-04-13T15:24:00.007-04:00

everyone is entitled to their opinions and different people's takes on things can often be different or opposing. most people have strong opinions on politics and how we should be running the country and improving aspects of people's lives. i can understand how people from different backgrounds and experiences will have different opinions on how these things should be handled. but that is serious talk left for dan or phil's blogs. being not as smart as them, i will focus on pop culture and entertainment.

the main point of this post was to highlight certain opinions, that while technically subjective, go completely beyond any semblance of reasoning that i can understand.

just to say this up front, i am a documented hater. i tend to get a little elitist and carried away with certain opinions on stuff that is pretty inconsequential. with that said, there are certain examples of opinions that just make no sense to me at all. certain opinions at least have some sort justification. an example would be how my parents like jay leno. they think he is funny. they dislike conan o'brien and think he is just childish and annoying. i say this is justifiable because we are 2 completely different demographics. the generational gap can at least explain how leno's lame and hackey jokes could appeal to an older audience who just want their jokes to be safe and obvious. i still argue with them about it all the time, but i can understand my parents' view on the late night host comparison.
now onto the opinions that seem insane to me.

family guy
oh man do i hate this show. the jokes are formulaic, obvious, lazy and obnoxious. yet many of my friends who have shared similar experiences and also enjoy other similar things seem to love this show. 80's tv reference? hahahahahaha. shut up. repetitive nonsense till everyone laughs? i will end you family guy creator. one time i was having an argument about the show vs futurama (which i love). i decided to take it to the tv critic of the washington post, who was having an online chat. i asked her which show was better. her answer: "family guy. it's more subversive." what the fuck is that shit? more subversive...ugh. when i am strongly on one side of an opinion, i can usually count on the snooty critics to align themselves with my 2 cents. apparently not this time.

radiohead

i am a big fan of radiohead. the way i view their career is basically, put out generic early 90's alt debut album with a few decent songs. the next album was a huge jump creatively. the 2 following albums were amazing masterpieces. the rest that followed took a decidedly electronic turn and were excellent, but maybe not as immediately catching or accessible. i think this opinion is so clear cut and obvious that i just assumed that everyone was on the same page. apparently not dan and chris, think the first album was the best! really? it wasn't awful, but it's so obviously inferior to the rest of their discography that i was sure they were joking when they first revealed this to me. even the band itself admitted that, pablo honey, their first album, was rushed and not very good.

nbc thursday night

i still watch sitcoms. well, pretty much only the ones on nbc thursday night. it's a great lineup consisting of the office, 30 rock, community and parks and recreation. while everyone has varying thoughts on all of these shows, i think it's pretty safe to say that these shows are good and the rest of the offerings are bad (i think paul reiser is serving up another crappy sitcom to replace nbc's last failed sitcom). right? i am personally a gigantic fan of p&r and think it's the funniest show on tv by far. it's smartly written with great characters. amy poehler: great/amazing. aziz ansari: hilarious. nick offerman: should win an oscar. chris platt: always makes me smile. aubrey plaza: top 5 celebrity crush. there is a growing list of small characters inhabiting the town that people are now making comparisons to springfield. anyways, i was enjoying my thursday night stories when jill reveals to me that p&r is her least favorite of the shows. what was her favorite? outsourced. yikes. wtf? that show is all sorts of awful. i was left speechless and have now blown up her spot on my blog.

wow, this was a long and petty post, all about me complaining that my friends have different opinions than i do. i want to reiterate that obviously people should have differing opinions and like/dislikes, but some are so obvious to me that i am left confused and astounded when people similar to me disagree.

clean and press your face

2011-04-12T15:08:00.003-04:00

for about the last 3 months i have really focused my lifting to one exercise, the clean and press. this is an intense movement that i believe is still an olympic lift. i have never had a lift take so much out of me like this does, as you are essentially taking a bar off of the ground and working it up to above your head. i have showed some of my friends this lift and they have tried to incorporate it into their routines. eskay saw me do it at the gym once and referred to it as eurotraining.

so when i started back in mid january, i was a little burnt out on spreading myself thin with too many exercises and for once, i would just really focus on one. the clean and press made sense as it is probably the most metabolically challenging exercise and one that generally requires 2-5 minutes of rest between sets of 5. it works then entire body.

when you set up, you step as close to the bar as possible, with feet shoulder width apart. you reach down and grab the bar (both grips overhand), get down low, maintain good lower back posture, chest up, arms taught. this is the same as with a deadlift. from there you explode up, bringing the bar with you. your legs are driving, your back is extending, and you are pulling with your shoulders, arms and upper back. as the bar is on it's way up, you dip your legs, and snap the bar to the top of your chest. stand up straight and press the bar over your head. lock your arms for a second and then, under control, reverse the motion, bringing the bar back to the ground. it's a move that requires some practice, as you are really having to coordinate and teach your body to explode and do it in the correct motor pattern.

here is a guy doing 225, though he is starting from a hang and is not pressing to lockout.

so back in mid january i arbitrarily chose the goal of performing the clean and press at 185 lbs for 5 sets of 5. i guess having a 45lb and 25lb plate on each side seemed aesthetically pleasing to me. i started at 135 and have worked my way up to 180. i increased the weight 5 lbs at a time, generally every couple of weeks, when the current weight would begin to feel more manageable. getting up to 160 wasn't too bad, and my cardio was taxed more than anything. but my elevation up to 180 from 160 has really been a test of my will and focus.

as corny as it sounds i think the progression of the last 20 lbs has set off a light bulb in understanding a little bit more about breaking through barriers in lifting. i didn't even realize this was something until i got there and it's impossible to really explain here, but i have a better idea of what it takes to really get stronger (no, not roids) and i think it will benefit me with my next lifting goals (i'm thinking 300/400/500 bench/squat/deadlift). it's scary to really push myself, especially with this exercise. i tend not to think about it, but there are so many things that can go wrong if i have a lapse in focus or a muscle tears or some other random accident takes place, i could be in a really bad spot. my ankle is wonky and there is no real way for anyone to spot me. but i think for the first time in my lifting i have fully challenged myself and it feels good.

i have been lifting regularly for the last 3 or 4 years now and have made general, vague gains in strength and fitness, but i never really set specific number goals with my lifting. while the rest of my lifts have definitely suffered and i will be starting way back on the ground floor for most of them when i return, there is definitely something different and fulfilling about completing this (hopefully).

i think this is the record holder:

it got me

2011-04-05T13:08:00.007-04:00

josie and i went to see a late night (10:30pm) showing of the new movie, insidious. this made for a pretty memorable evening at the theater for many reasons. first off....teens! so many teens. so loud and obnoxious. it really needed a call from the teen hunters to have them sequestered somewhere while i viewed my movie. i guess i should have figured that going to a scary movie on opening night would lead to that kind of setting, but it's still always disappointing.

second, josie snuck in organic fruit gel slices. delicious.

third, i bought movie tickets online for the first time ever. it involved a $1 surcharge per ticket. that's pretty reasonable i think.

i am a big fan of horror movies and will see some pretty bad ones in hopes that they end up being entertaining. my standards are cast much lower for what i will deem viewable for horror over any other genre. so lately i have seen a lot of crap and some decent stuff, but nothing that really stood out to me, or left me thinking about it days after viewing. those good ones are the ones that stay with me and i enjoy watching over and over again. i won't give away any of the plot or specifics.

fourth, this movie scared me multiple times. the scare techniques were very well executed. the scares came often and it was the kind of movie where dread really builds and even though you know the scare is coming, it gets you anyways. they also mixed in random, out of nowhere scares. it was a scare buffet. the crowd was really on edge throughout the entire movie and you could feel the energy in the theater.

fifth, this movie was rated pg-13, just like the new big momma's house movie. i never see horror movies that are pg-13. they seem like a tease. this movie had me tense way more than almost any r rated movie.

i jumped and audibly screamed (like a boy, not a girl) along with everyone else in the theater. josie had to look away most of the time. she squeezed my arm with a boa constrictor-like grip and mashed her face into my shoulder like when jessie gets her lean on. it was definitely the visceral reaction i had been searching for. i probably am whitewashing how i felt a little. as i look back as i was probably more scared to the point where i wasn't actually enjoying it, but maybe took some sort of masochistic pleasure from it.

as a result i feel satisfied that i have discovered a new movie to add to my favorite horror movie list, josie is now a little spooked and feels uneasy because of the movie and i now recommend this to everyone, especially if they can see it in the theater. i think part of this is trying to spread the word on a quality movie that scares without gore or cheap tricks. if i dig a little deeper, part of it is probably me trying to make other people suffer the same way i did in my dread-filled movie experience, that i am now remembering fondly but probably at the time just wanted to end.

go see it. i would probably pay to see it again...just expect a lot of "oh man, watch this part!!!"

kevin where are you getting those colors? are you buying them?

2011-03-03T14:16:00.008-05:00

after a solid 15 months or so of being my main pair of shoes, my black and yellow pumas are starting to get worn down. i probably shouldn't be spending the money since i have made some big purchases the last year, but it won't stop me from at least looking for some new kicks.

i signed up for zappos free mvp membership which i think means i get shoes overnighted gratis. have you been to that site? there are way too many to choose from. i think before i would just be like, give me the navy blue ones. no, not the nikes...the other pair. boom. done. walking through laurel mall in style. now when i look on zappos website my brain hurts...not just from the plethora of choices, but also all of the awesome colors shoes now apparently come in.

i think i could pull these off. i would probably be dominating the court in them too.

$177 well spent.

i would probably be able to run real fast in these. flash style.

for when i was feeling patriotic.

what do you think. any winners up there? any suggestions? basically i want sneakers/tennis shoes/athletic shoes...whatever you call them. also, they need to be fly.

apple of my ipad

2011-01-25T13:33:00.009-05:00

what's up my dudes? yeah, yeah, been a while. i had written out an extensive love letter to all of my wonderful apple products, but the problem was, it sucked more than my usual posts. so because they just unveiled the awesome new ipad 2 and phil has been pressuring me, here is my very shorthand summation of my apple fanboyness.

i was always a pc guy, but about 5 years ago i purchased an ipod video. then i followed this up with ipod touch, then a macbook, then an ipod 4g and then finally an ipad. it's pretty safe to say that i am all appled up. i am applified. my computer is mactastic. i could go on...

my music is quite touchable. ok that's enough.

my phone runs on android and it kind of sucks. it's cheap and saves me money, but it's inferiority to apple ios is glaring.

i know there are a lot of haters out there and many have voiced their opinions to me, but hey, there's an app for that. also they just announced the garageband app...i think i will have to app that.

so there you go phil, you jerk. i finally finished the entry that i initially wrote 2 months ago. are you appy? i am, so now i can finally move on and maybe post a new stupid blog post.

my new plan

2010-10-04T14:09:00.004-04:00

a lot of time has passed between my last post (#199) and this one i am currently scribing (#200!), and those last few were far and few between. i guess this has been an eventful spring/summer/fall in a couple of ways. i am now attempting to get back on track and provide the 3 of you the trashcans in the street that you forgot you loved.

one thing i kept meaning to write about was my decision to completely remove myself from fantasy football. but you were so awesome at it kevin! i know, i know. no really, people called you a fantasy football genius! well maybe that's stretching things a bit. seriously, if people were having a fantasy draft, but were drafting fantasy owners amongst the pool of millions of owners, you would be a lock for top 3 and nobody would argue if someone chose you first. well...thanks. it is good to know my abilities were so highly regarded. well anyways, i am not playing at all this year. i may come back to it next year or sometime down the road, but for now i am out and not missing it at all.

i thought i might regret this decision. phil came up with ways to keep me in the league which were tempting, but i still declined once i knew the league had enough people. just this morning eskay was complaining about having a high scoring team, but continually losing to the top scoring team that week. i recall this specific frustration/anger so clearly now and it only helps justify my decision. the bottom line is, fantasy football is based way too much on randomness and luck for me to really enjoy anymore. this is why i prefer fantasy basketball and am curious to see how fantasy hockey with dave goes. unfortunately none of my friends feel this way and after giving it a try a few years ago, none of them would ever play again. so i am forced to try my luck with strangers where no money is involved and the dropout rates are high. last year went pretty well, but i don't think that league is being carried over into this season.

my interest in just regular football has been equally nonexistent. i've watched a few highlights on espn and maybe a few minutes just flipping through the channels on sunday, but had not sat down and watched a game until yesterday and that was just because my dad was. while watching, i saw that the ravens pulled out a last minute victory. it left me with a let down feeling. i never cared about the ravens before, nor do i care at all about the steelers. i was confused by this, but decided to chase the feeling. i realized a way for me to regain interest in football. i will take up the role of the hater.

like a villain slowly discovering his role in his comic world, i too began to realize my fate as the hater. if you are a fan of a football team, you can guess how i will feel about them. i am curious to see if this sustainable throughout the season. this experiment may be over by this time next week or could be the start of something interesting. i don't really care. i leave this post with the following questions that may answer themselves as the season progresses:

what happens when 2 teams i am currently hating on face each other?
will there be levels of hate or is it clear cut hate/don't hate?
did this grow out of my love for hating or do i just want to ruin other peoples' fun?
at what point do i feel sorry for chris and his broncos and no longer have the ability to hate on them? are the broncos any good? i just assume they are bad.
what is the timeline for when i transition to finding this funny to just feeling like a jerk?

whatever....don't judge me

2010-07-27T14:49:00.004-04:00

in continuing with today's theme of places a little north of maryland, i wanted to mention my excitement for the return of jersey shore. i guess it's equal parts, excitement, shame and lowered expectations. i really got into the show last year and i have spent a little time trying to figure out why it appealed to me. i don't act like the people on the show and if i met them in real life, i would probably want nothing to do with any of them. yet, i am compelled to watch the show and thoroughly enjoy it.

it's possible that the blatant girl-chasing/partying/completely selfish ways that the shore people live by speaks to some buried away part of my sub-conscious. or maybe it's just fun to laugh at ridiculous people and fist pump along. it's mindless television at it's best. let's see...what else?

jersey accents are fun(ny)
the situation is a quote machine
awful house music
t-shirts tighter than mine
romantic shenanigans
nicknames/new terminology
assy mtv editing

there is also something fun about being interested and involved in a pop culture phenomenon, where you can feel everyone collectively buzzing about it. i know this season won't be the same and as the characters get more popular, visible and self-aware, it will lose it's luster quickly. i am also aware that this show might be garbage and the people involved are awful in so many ways, but i will allow myself to get excited and look forward to watching the premiere in a few days. we might even try to make another run at a jersey shore party...who knows?

"Everybody at the Shore definitely knows The Situation. As far as I know, everybody loves The Situation, and if you don't love The Situation, I'm gonna make you love The Situation."

"There's no way I'm going to Jersey without my hair gel. Can't leave without my gel."

"If you're not a guido then you can get the f*ck outta my face."

"Yo, I mean, this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can't even describe the situation that you're about to get into with The Situation."

"He's a really good guy. That's the kind of guy I need in my life. I think his name is Ron."

"She just doesn't want to feel like a trash bag because she has a boyfriend and she kissed me with her tongue."

"I'm gonna break it down dancing, I love the beats, I got my creepy patent move."

"You better be hittin' the gym and if you're not hittin' the gym for like an hour or so, you know, you may have a problem. Okay, cause I'm at the gym for like an hour-and-a-half... ya know? Workin' on my fitness."

"We're beatin'-up-the-beat, that's what we say when we're doing our fist pump. First, we start off by banging the ground, we're banging it as the beat builds 'cause that beat's hittin' us so we're fightin' back, it's like we beat up that beat."

"Pauly D. was with the grenade ... When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you, so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first."

"Yo, Pauly D has a little situation on his hands... she's definitely a stage 5 clinger."

"It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me... it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten."

i was gonna photoshop phil's face onto wall-e's body but quickly realized the time and effort to humor ratio was not good

2010-07-27T14:02:00.003-04:00

tomorrow josie and i will be embarking on a quick trip to philadelphia, a city i always enjoy visiting. i am really excited about going and i expect josie to be an ideal traveling companion. because we're only going to be there for a little over a day, we have to just pick a few things we want to do and enjoy. obviously things don't always go as planned and here is a list of trip predictions:

i will regret not requesting the hypo-allergenic pillows
you will be able to witness josie's smile fade as she is subjected to picture after picture (flipbook style)
we will drink way too much coffee
i will run into soulja boy again
i will find some amazing sunglasses
bystanders will roll their eyes when i recreate the rocky scene at the pma
we will skip the veggie cheesesteak
i will be asked to "please stop making a scene"
the independent will not disappoint, except for their european breakfast
we will hit the gym with an intensity that makes the rest of the gym members uncomfortable
we will be nerdy and write yelp reviews
i will draw at least one thing
i will debate someone in john wall vs evan turner

we'll see how accurate my crystal ball is. i do really enjoy hanging out in philly and i think we will try to book a slightly more extended trip in the near future to really enjoy the city.

zoom, zoom, zoom!

2010-07-23T11:41:00.006-04:00

i am looking for a new car, but not necessarily a mazda...that was written to fool david. while the mazda 3 is in the running, i am also considering various toyotas and hondas (corolla, accord, prius, insight, civic, camry, etc.) unfortunately as i pass 180k miles, my honda accord, aka champagne dreams, looks to be about done. i could spend a ton and get the transmission fixed, but i think at this point, it's time to move on. she has served me well as i commuted 50 miles round trip to work and drove everyone around (because it was apparently "the dad car"). through that I put a lot of wear and tear on this car and as louis terms it, this car has earned it's death.

so now i am in the market for something new that i hope to take better care of and not run into the ground as quickly as c.d. with that in mind, i am slightly tempted to opt for something smaller, thus not automatically being assumed that it will be the limo for the night. maybe something along the lines of....
if the isetta is not really going to be an option, then i do still want to consider fuel efficiency. i am very intrigued by the prius and it's 50 mpg. motorweek awarded it the best overall car of the year. brodie has been anti prius due to the potential battery replacement, so that has swayed me some, though i have been reading that it is covered for like 100k miles or something. i can also potentially get a very basic model corolla for cheap. now i always say i don't care much about how a car looks outside and inside. i'm not a car person. it's just a means of transportation. at the same time, i do appreciate some additions, like a sun roof. i guess i need to figure out where i draw the line and decide if i am fine with the basic model in order to save some money.

i will probably need to go test drive a few of these models and make a decision in the near future before my car dies on 95. i am hoping for a low stress buying experience where i get everything i want at a price that is cheaper than i expect. i feel that is reasonable. otherwise i might just have to give xzibit a call and see what he can do for me.

a new era has begun

2010-07-20T13:10:00.003-04:00

so normally around this time i am going football crazy...both fantasy and reality. this year, my not caring that started halfway through last season has carried over. the only football i care about now is on friday nights on nbc.

basketball was looking like it might follow suit in my odd loss of interest in sports. but then things started happening. first off, the wizards won the lottery! yeah, yeah, i know. last time we were in this position we kinda pulled a homer.
well this year, they finally got a no-brainer pick in future superstar john wall. he:

is lightning-quick
is an excellent passer
is seemingly mature
is fun to watch
has his own dance

add to this, the drafting of some more rookies, trading for a some new players and basically pressing reset on the roster and you'll have something very close to what i like to do when i play nba2k on my 360. i know this will be a rebuilding year, but i enjoy the idea of potential and promise and look forward to seeing this team learn to play together and improve.

the nba also has a new villain and team to rout against in lebron james and the miami heat. i never liked lebron, but how he dealt with free agency as well as the ridiculous decision show just really cemented my hate for him. i won't elaborate too much more, but will sum up my dislike for lebron and how i will enjoy rooting against the heat for years to come with the following:

hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate

one final story in the nba that is luring me in this season is the arrival of an asian american player who had a great summer league and is not actually a giant. jeremy lin is a point guard from harvard who just signed with golden state. he is fun to watch and who knows...he could get some burn this season. i will follow him and try to reach for him in my fantasy basketball draft, assuming i do that this year.

mudskippers couple's quarrel

2010-07-05T18:21:00.004-04:00

look at all the beautiful babies

2010-04-21T11:20:00.006-04:00

the blog slacking continues, but at least i have been contributing some to my more project-based blog with josie. facebook continues to be a major time suck and i just don't see it fading anytime soon. various things have been going on in my life recently. i have certainly been more socially active, dating, meeting new people, going out a lot more frequently, etc. it's all been a nice change from the norm. with that in mind, i am quickly approaching what will surely be a life-defining trip to las vegas. i will be flying in with vegas veteran eskay and well will be meeting up with phil, erin, her sis and a bunch of their crew. we will be starting things off with the very un-kevin bottle service at some club on the strip. from there, i have no idea what to expect, but here are a few predictions:

eskay will be forcefully removed from either a bar, club, casino or buffet
i will lose a medium amount of money
i will spend way too much on food and drinks
cirque will not disappoint
it will be too cold for the pool, but it won't stop me
i will attempt to learn craps by watching phil play. he will win a bunch of money quickly, then i will play and mess up everyone's luck. i will then be booed off the table
i will make it to the gym once
my love for drinking from an open container will initially be sky high but quickly lose it's luster
erin will put up with me and eskay in a very classy way
phil will give me many looks ranging from "shut up" to "you need to stop drinking now"
eskay's wild rollercoaster ride in gambling will be too much for me to handle
it will be awesome to see kim after...at least 5 years, probably longer
the sports book will be the best way for me to lose money
i will do a shot with the midget at o'shea's
i will start taking a lot of pictures but then become self conscious about looking too touristy
i will miss jessie
someone will make a comment about how they haven't had any vegetables for a few days
apparently nobody on this trip has seen swingers so all of my movie quotes will go unappreciated

i think that about sums it up. i have had many people tell me to go see specific things, but there's only so much you can see in 3.5 days. i am really looking forward to this and have not been on a trip in quite a while. hopefully i return un-pierced, un-tattooed, un-married, un-injured and still have a place to live.

post-thriller hydration

2010-03-20T01:55:00.002-04:00

double yolk is weirding me out, but i'm not backing down

2010-03-11T07:26:00.002-05:00

feel free to hate....i would have in the past

2010-02-18T11:08:00.004-05:00

well facebook has predictably taken away from my blog writing as it makes sense to post things that take 15 seconds to write and have it immediately go to 100 people, as opposed to spending up to an hour writing nonsense that maybe 4 people see. so while i am obviously not blogging very frequently, i hope to keep coming back and posting...say once or twice a month. we'll see...

so of late, we have had like 4 and a half feet of snow. dave, brodie and i did the polar bear plunge. we had a snow-interrupted jersey shore party with lots of fist pumping. jill and i have been learning the thriller dance. brodie and i (mostly brodie) are valiantly trying to redo the tiling in our bathroom. i am trying to decide if i should go to vegas with phil. the wizards blew up their team, which i think had to happen. butler and jamison were amazing and i know they are way better off on contending teams...although i don't think i can route for the cavs while lebron is there.

anyways, what i really wanted to note was my recent interest in radio pop music. dave and i have been bombarded by this stuff at the gym and i now find myself liking a lot of it. it's probably just another phase. i usually go back and forth with indie rock to hip hop and back with some electronic and folk mixed in. but now i am diggin stuff that i would have quickly mocked and hated on in the past. my question is, i wonder could this be some sort of reaction to getting older and is really a poorly masked and pathetic attempt to cling to any remaining shreds of youth? or if it's some sort of byproduct of my general arrested development finally manifesting into something noticeable by me. or maybe these songs are catchy as shit.

roller derby!

2010-01-16T16:48:00.002-05:00

sneak preview

2010-01-11T11:01:00.003-05:00

i haven't posted about my newest obsession, jersey shore. i guess my other new obsession, facebook has provided an outlet for that. anyways, we will hopefully be having a jersey shore party in a few weeks. dave and i have begun the careful crafting our uniforms for when we beat up the beat. this is just a small taste of what you can expect. also, if you have any ideas for stuff to add, let me know in the comments.

still figuring all this out

2010-01-06T11:14:00.004-05:00

again, maybe because i am new to this, but how/why does someone i have never met send me a friend request on facebook? i got a request this morning from some asian girl i am pretty sure i have never seen before. because i have a lot of free time at work, i did a little detective work and perused her friends. all asian. i only know a few and none of them were there. is she collecting asians? my curiousity has piqued. only one way to find out.

new friend accepted...

update....i saw when she was born and immediately unfriended her.

i could only fight the good fight for so long

2010-01-05T11:19:00.011-05:00

i finally quit being a baby and signed up for facebook. it got old explaining to people that i am not on facebook because my friend phil said i should be. i went kinda crazy with it on sunday and just started sending friend requests to anyone i knew. it was fun collecting friends like they were pokemon. i was instantly hooked at looking at pics and catching up with people i haven't seen in years. i was finding facebook to be amazing in general and was slightly concerned that i would become addicted.

this initial excitement has waned significantly over the last day or so. the rush of people becoming my friend has slowed and because i am new to the scene, i am still not completely familiar with how everything works. there seems to be a lot of diversions to choose from on facebook...maybe too many. the ability to post things on other peoples' "walls" lends itself to some obnoxious and assy possibilities. i do wish there was a "hate" option to counter all those likers.

this will be a good place to post pics. also, as a single guy, it's probably to my advantage to be on facebook, so when i meet new people i can expand my network a little. dave explained that it is good for checking out (pervin on) girls, but i don't think that is my style, as i tend to keep things classy. i also found you can be a fan of things, like celebrities. i have obviously "fan'ed" my 2 favorite celebrities, lolo and terry crews. we'll see if this becomes a heavily used social tool or another twitter where i get real into it and then just as quickly lose interest. only time will tell.

now that i finally sold out, it's time for allison to follow suit. i already know she is gonna be a stubborn donkey, so i will probably be creating an account for her, as is our custom. i don't really have many pictures of her, so i may have to get creative.

she walks forward and over and over and backward

2009-12-10T09:50:00.008-05:00

in many ways jawbox really defined my musical experience as a whole during my high school years. sure, i got into grunge and liked hip hop and other stuff, but jawbox was really what i think of when i reminisce about the music i grew up on. i remember going to see them in college park with nick and i instantly connected to it. i was obsessed with the crazy beats and angular guitars with a bass player that we all crushed on. in about 3 years of being kinda of one of those annoying guys who was waay too into a specific band, i think i saw them perform live about 10 times. i have many memories from this era.

buying the jawbox chinese fork tie t-shirt i still wear today
being the brave one and approaching them to ask if they would come to see mftp play at the can-can
being up front and singing along at their shows like a dork, usually at the black cat
getting into many heated jawbox vs. fugazi discussions
getting a picture of a sweaty kim with me and ben flanking her
dan betsey emulating zach's beats
hanging out at the jawbox house while gss was recording with j and having kim show me some old video they had that aired on mtv like 2 times
being sad when i heard they would break up, but at the same time it kinda felt right
everyone in the band being really cool and nice
j looking like al bundy

i had read that they were rereleasing for your own special sweetheart and thinking i would have to get it. then i found out they were reuiniting on late night with jimmy fallon, which airs way too late for me, but with the magic of dvr i was able to watch it last night and it really brought a flood of memories and just made me happy. the show only had 1 song, but hulu posted 2 more. these probably won't be on hulu for too long, but for now enjoy. also note that they do not apear to have aged at all except that j has become less al bundy and more malkovich.

sometimes hating leads to good ideas

2009-12-09T16:37:00.001-05:00

[16:31] turbo2oh: i cant stand people at chipotle that always have to ask for more of everything
[16:31] turbo2oh: they usually dont need to be having more of anything
[16:32] kingkevin91: are you making a comment about their weight?
[16:32] turbo2oh: yes
[16:32] kingkevin91: zing!
[16:32] turbo2oh: this woman today asked for more cheese 3 times
[16:32] kingkevin91: haha
[16:32] kingkevin91: wow
[16:32] turbo2oh: and got more sour cream
[16:32] kingkevin91: sounds tasty
[16:32] turbo2oh: on a 'salad' one
[16:32] kingkevin91: well you gotta eat healthy these days
[16:33] turbo2oh: haha true
[16:33] turbo2oh: it just pisses me off cause they dont charge extra for it
[16:33] turbo2oh: and i know it drives up the base cost of everything
[16:33] turbo2oh: so i feel like im paying for it
[16:33] kingkevin91: you are
[16:34] kingkevin91: probably shouldn't fight it
[16:34] kingkevin91: just go with it
[16:34] kingkevin91: get enough extras to make 2 burritos
[16:34] turbo2oh: im a burrito bowl kinda guy
[16:34] kingkevin91: ok
[16:34] kingkevin91: pile it on
[16:34] kingkevin91: then ask for an extra bowl
[16:34] turbo2oh: i want enough sour cream i cant see whats below it
[16:34] kingkevin91: yeah
[16:34] kingkevin91: keep asking for more
[16:35] kingkevin91: like over and over again
[16:35] kingkevin91: maybe like 10 times
[16:35] turbo2oh: then ask if i can just have the container out of the steam table
[16:35] turbo2oh: and the giant spoon
[16:35] kingkevin91: and when they do it that 10th time
[16:35] kingkevin91: be like woah...
[16:35] kingkevin91: little heavy handed there aren't we?
[16:35] turbo2oh: haha
[16:35] turbo2oh: thats too much
[16:35] turbo2oh: maybe ask someone next to me if theyd eat that?
[16:35] kingkevin91: then be like, oh well, just give me another bowl, cause that shit is not gonna fit in one

pretty sure i'm due some royalties on that

2009-11-18T14:04:00.004-05:00

[13:53] kevinso78@gmail.com: pay attention to the lyrics at the 1:07 mark
[13:54] Eskay: haha oh shiz
[13:54] kevinso78@gmail.com: haha
[13:55] Eskay: song aint bad
[13:55] kevinso78@gmail.com: this album is hot
[13:55] Eskay: aint bad at all like the beat
[13:55] kevinso78@gmail.com: i forgot how good it is
[13:55] Eskay: did u listen to that dungeon family album yet? wasn't i tellin ya bout that
[13:55] kevinso78@gmail.com: ah naw
[13:56] kevinso78@gmail.com: i did get the bossman mixtape though
[13:56] Eskay: haha oh yea! see there ya go
[13:56] Eskay: whatcha think?
[13:56] Eskay: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFmfwRJ68Ww
[13:58] kevinso78@gmail.com: is that dre?
[13:58] kevinso78@gmail.com: 3000
[13:58] Eskay: yea
[13:58] kevinso78@gmail.com: yeah, it's pretty good
[13:58] Eskay: they are basically the most famous of the dungeon family.
[13:58] kevinso78@gmail.com: i'll download it
[13:58] Eskay: where u download this itunes?
[13:58] kevinso78@gmail.com: sometimes
[13:59] kevinso78@gmail.com: sometimes amazon
[13:59] kevinso78@gmail.com: sometimes emusic
[13:59] kevinso78@gmail.com: and sometimes through other means
[13:59] Eskay: mhmm
[14:00] kevinso78@gmail.com: what about you?
[14:01] Eskay: hm tough to say
[14:01] Eskay: i just i get it from round the way
[14:01] kevinso78@gmail.com: like?
[14:02] Eskay: mostly from cds
[14:02] kevinso78@gmail.com: your cds?
[14:02] Eskay: well when i get the music yes
[14:03] kevinso78@gmail.com: as in your property?
[14:03] Eskay: at said time
[14:03] kevinso78@gmail.com: hahahaha

time to get back on track

2009-11-18T10:48:00.006-05:00

i think it was around my birthday when i was actually starting to make some strength gains and lose some fat. this momentum was short-lived and i have since lost some visible muscle and gained back a bunch of body fat. i'm sure most people don't really notice and just look at me regardless and think, that guy is short and stocky, both back in early september and currently. but when i look in the mirror, i notice.

while i can only truly blame myself, there have been some external factors that have caused some admittedly avoidable roadblocks, but roadblocks nonetheless. i went on a trip where i ate a ton of bad food. i also joined a kickball league, which meant tons of drinking and eating out in the middle of the week. on top of that, i managed to severely injure my ankle, as i have done about 4 other times in my life, during the final kickball game. being an idiot, i kept on playing and as a result, could not put any pressure on it for the next 2 days, hopping around like lisa turtle during the dance competition.

this ankle injury has left me with another sad realization, in that 2 weeks later it is still not even close to being 100%. when i injured it in high school i was running around without issue 2 days later. this was definitely a good marker for aging and could be a seemingly insignificant moment i wistfully look back on 20 years from now as when i truly realized i was no longer a kid. i am already imagining this being one of those injuries oldies bitch about hurting just cause the weather changed...ugh.

anyways, the swelling has gone down and is still there, but much better. my range of motion is slooooooowly returning. i can walk without any sort of limp, but can't really even jog on it without a few sharp pains. overall, i would put the ankle at about 70%.

i am anxious to begin reversing the doughification that has been going on with my body the last 10 weeks and while i certainly need to get my diet back on track, getting back to the gym will help keep me motivated and just feeling better as a whole. so i am thinking tonight is the night. i should be fine with most exercises and will generally ease my way back into the swing of things, hoping to do about 70% of what i had been doing prior. i am most concered with squats and power cleans. i hope my ankle and foot are stable enough. i hope i don't reinjure it. i hope i don't get sloppy, turn it a weird way, get a sharp pain and collapse under the bar. i just have to put my ego aside and be cautious in my return to the gym.

jellyfish are the key to a women's heart

2009-11-17T13:39:00.010-05:00

ok, i'm straight bloggin! not once, twice, or even thrice, but whatever the version of 4 is, posts in one day.that's definitely a record and i must be extra slackin at work. anyways this final post of the day discusses an ongoing debate/joke i have been having with an unamed friend. a while back he was discussing purchasing a new hd tv for his bedroom. he already has a tv, but he seemed to "need" high definition and that it would really "bring his room together" and "be enticing for the ladies". i of course arbitrarily decided i was against this idea and decided i would find some other purchase that would be a better use of his money.
after some internet searching i discovered a pretty sweet looking neon jellyfish tank. since i am an expert in all things female, i explained to said friend how telling a girl in a house party type atmosphere "hey, i have a sweet looking neon jellyfish tank up in my room. wanna check it out?" is a lot more interesting and unique than saying "i got a big, flat tv in my room. want to watch it?"
what do you think? am i right or am i right? if you are a girl and are reading this, you are not single, but remember back to those good ol' days....which approach would work best?

roommate updates

2009-11-17T13:13:00.006-05:00

nickie moved out this weekend and is off to live in the firehouse where she will not have to pay rent. i rarely saw her, but we always got along well. although, on the day she was moving out, i was outside when she was loading up a truck when she exclaimed an amazing comment, "holy shit your hair is long!" i'm pretty sure there's not a better indicator for how infrequently we saw each other than that statement. anyways, i wish her well and i'm sure i'll see her at mcginty's or whenever dave forgets to turn the stove off.

and so with the leaving of nickie, comes the move in of jill, which has already gotten off to a humorous start. first of all she wanted to move in before nickie was moved out. then she had tried to plan out moving things from her casa rivetti as well as some other house that she was buying furniture from. it somehow involved 3 cars, various unnecessary trips, people switching vehicles and just a whole lot of nonsense that made it seem like we were pulling off the thomas crown affair. she had also come up with various floorplans for her room which i found amusingly unnecessary.

anyways, with jill i am expecting various things:

we'll see her way more than nickie
cleaner house
family dinners
movie making
her and brodie fighting
choreographed dances
i will be judged for watching too much tv/playin too many videogames
rivetti cheapness
all of the nasty sweet liquors will finally get drank
house band!

we never thought we'd find a place where we'd belong

2009-11-17T12:14:00.004-05:00

dave will be finishing up school in about 1 month and with it, get his degree as well as enter the highly competitive job market. while discussing possible careers we happened upon an idea that would use his linguist skills. he might have to pitch this idea to some sort of government agency, but i think it would be warmly received.

the premise would be that dave would go undercover in laurel high school and pose as the newly transferred "bad boy". from there he would infiltrate the school's underbelly and begin associating with the powerful gangs. he would use his charm to gain their trust and really study and analyze the current slang used in the various drug trafficking, gang wars, robberies, etc. he would compile his data and report back to the various law enforcement agencies or whoever he would narc to.

i suppose television has taught us that there is also the likelihood that dave gets in too deep, gets caught up in the lifestyle. like the moment they want to make sure he's for real and have him smoke crack, pound on some nerd or mug an old lady, he gets a taste of the criminal life and finds that he likes it. who knows? what do you think of this idea?

another video that made me smile

2009-11-17T12:00:00.003-05:00

even though i just shared this with some people online and it appears to be over 2 years old, this video made me happy. also check out the million dollar baby one.

i have many women in my life

2009-11-13T13:48:00.009-05:00

i enjoyed posting my blog with my random instant message encounter. mainly cause i didn't have to really work on it, just cut and paste.

update: gullytodeworld and i did not become friends as i secretly had hoped.

anyways, i think this will be a new, regular blog post i will put together from time to time when i have ridiculous or funny or infuriating instant message conversations with either my friends or the occasional random person. i hope to include various convos with the people i talk to on the daily, so everyone should bring the funny or controversial. these will generally be unedited (unless it paints me in a particularly bad light).

today i was chatting with phil and we talked about the office. he sent me a link to the newish music video:

go ahead and watch it, it's amusing.

anyways, this led to discussing the girl who plays the new receptionist on the show and is in the video. new crush? i wasn't sure, but eventually concluded with a resounding boobs. i also saw this pic:

he then sent me an article she wrote in what became an ellie kemper barrage. anyways here was a portion of our conversation:

[12:58] kingkevin91: interesting
[12:58] turbo2oh: made me laugh
[12:58] kingkevin91: it was good
[12:58] kingkevin91: but didn't make me laugh
[12:59] kingkevin91: maybe if she read some of my blogs...she might get a better hang on comedic writing
[13:00] turbo2oh: apparently she wrote for the onion some as well
[13:01] kingkevin91: ok
[13:01] kingkevin91: well i will send her a message on myspace and see if she wants to go out sometime
[13:30] turbo2oh: cool
[13:30] turbo2oh: maybe a double date?
[13:30] kingkevin91: she said next friday the 13th
[13:31] kingkevin91: it's on
[13:31] turbo2oh: wow she accepted fast
[13:31] kingkevin91: yeah, she's prompt like that
[13:31] kingkevin91: i should know
[13:31] kingkevin91: since she's my new gf
[13:31] turbo2oh: wow
[13:31] turbo2oh: is she pregnant?
[13:31] kingkevin91: she just gave birth to our triplets
[13:32] turbo2oh: thats a lot of responsibility
[13:33] kingkevin91: yeah....
[13:33] kingkevin91: you're right
[13:33] kingkevin91: i might try to make a break for it
[13:33] turbo2oh: find a cheap copy of halo wars yet?
[13:33] turbo2oh: i havent played it awhile
[13:34] kingkevin91: let's quit beating around the bush
[13:34] kingkevin91: just buy me a copy already

a couple things to note....not our best effort, but this is what i had to work with today. also, it does a good job of illustrating my getting a little carried away with celebrity crushes, which i am confident everyone considers to be a charming aspect of my personality. finally, that last part about halo wars seems out of context and it was but i thought it also showed my willingness to be a team player.

i also want to add my other new crush, also on nbc thursday nights, aubrey plaza.

...but i've seen everything

2009-11-11T14:22:00.006-05:00

as my readers probably know, i am a pretty big star trek fan and my previous attempt at fan fiction should prove that. ok, so maybe not enough of a fan to know most of the characters or ever watch the show or movies, but that's not the point. i did not see this newest star trek offering that had all the nerds going nuts like paul wall does with the internet. everyone seemed to think it was a good movie, so i do honestly want to see it.

the problem is, i clearly am not gonna buy this movie. i would normally try to netflix it, but i know the waiting list for this dvd will probably be ridiculous. this leaves me with some options to decide on. one of my nerd friends will buy it and either a) bring it to my house and let me borrow it, so i can watch it at my leisure, b) bring it over and if it is convenient for me, we can watch it together on my tv, or c) if someone does something dumb, like buy it on blu-ray (chris), then i guess i can come over to watch it at their house, but i will not let them know when. i will just show up and throw a huge temper tantrum if either a) they are not home, or b) they don't feel like watching it then or c) are home but busy. if either b or c is the case, then they can always just let me borrow their blu-ray player which i will then take home, watch the star trek movie and either a) pretend like i never borrowed it, b) sell it on craig's list, or c) this was really dumb, but everyone is home for veteran's day.

these teams better not suck

2009-10-30T13:13:00.010-04:00

my interest in football, both real and fantasy never really took off much this year and has since become quite the afterthought for me...at least compared to previous years. now the the nba season has begun, it has really squashed my football spirits, well, that combined with my fantasy teams sucking and no longer being a redskins fan. so the wizards are looking real promising, as long as everyone stays healthy. even though i no longer have comcast so i can't watch wiz games, i have been enjoying random games this first week on espn and tnt. i would even consider ordering the nba package, but i already watch too much tv. one of my favorite podcasts, the basketball jones is back.

Ep. 457: King and Captain? from The Basketball Jones on Vimeo.

chris and i joined a random keeper league that looks like it could be fun. it is another crazy 16 teamer that made for us unprepared owners to have to scramble quite a bit in the later rounds. i ended up with what i think is a solid and promising team with holes, but i can work with it. some of players include deron williams, jason kidd, nene, trevor ariza, aaron brooks, marc gasol, and blake griffin (who is out for 6 weeks, ugh). i definitely have some regrets, but that's just the way it's gotta be sometimes. i enjoy fantasy basketball so much more than football, which i know makes me weird. i enjoy that there are games everyday so there's always a little something to follow or read about the next day. as opposed to the sunday overload that is football.

although i planned to just do one league, like i did last year, i couldn't pass up the chance to play with eskay's crew. this is gonna be totally different as it is an 8 team league, which really levels the playing field, and negates my experience as i think most of these guys have never played. it should be fun to be in a league with people i know since all of my friends decided they didn't like it.

i know you're gawking at my weird-ass eyes...it doesn't matter, cause i'm on kevin's fantasy squad!

whatever you do, avoid meadowbrook

2009-10-28T16:10:00.004-04:00

so today some random instant message popped up from somebody i don't know. after steve and katie both seemed against it, i decided to go ahead and respond and here was our conversation:

[15:57] gullytodeworld: wam girl
[15:58] kingkevin91: who is this?
[15:59] gullytodeworld: your mother man
[15:59] kingkevin91: ah snap
[15:59] gullytodeworld: that fuck her last nite
[15:59] kingkevin91: nice
[15:59] gullytodeworld: who de fuck is u
[15:59] gullytodeworld: i dnt no u
[16:00] gullytodeworld: are ur call name fuck up\
[16:00] kingkevin91: what?
[16:00] kingkevin91: you started talking to me
[16:00] gullytodeworld: yes fuck face
[16:00] gullytodeworld: i did
[16:00] gullytodeworld: u have a prob with tht
[16:00] kingkevin91: nope
[16:00] kingkevin91: do you?
[16:00] gullytodeworld: becuz i can come up in meadow brook
[16:01] kingkevin91: ahh
[16:01] gullytodeworld: n we hcan fight it
[16:01] kingkevin91: not meadowbrook!!!
[16:01] kingkevin91: anywhere but there
[16:01] gullytodeworld: right there
[16:01] kingkevin91: anywhere else
[16:01] gullytodeworld: right there
[16:01] kingkevin91: somewhere else?
[16:01] gullytodeworld: i will fuck u up for my girl
[16:01] kingkevin91: i barely touched her
[16:01] kingkevin91: i apologize
[16:02] gullytodeworld: fuck u n ur apologize
[16:02] gullytodeworld: i dnt need tht
[16:02] kingkevin91: fine
[16:02] kingkevin91: i take it back
[16:02] gullytodeworld: becuz i fuck ur girl for 10,000$
[16:02] gullytodeworld: yesterday
[16:02] kingkevin91: that's a good deal
[16:02] gullytodeworld: yes
[16:02] gullytodeworld: she say u dnt fuck her gud
[16:02] kingkevin91: i know, that's messed up, right?
[16:03] gullytodeworld: yes fuck face
[16:03] gullytodeworld: look i comin there nw with my boy
[16:03] kingkevin91: ok
[16:04] gullytodeworld: so look out for we
[16:04] kingkevin91: i will
[16:04] gullytodeworld: i comin at lot 122
[16:04] kingkevin91: meadowbrook, right?
[16:04] gullytodeworld: yes
[16:04] kingkevin91: wait, what time?
[16:04] gullytodeworld: rite there
[16:04] gullytodeworld: nw
[16:04] gullytodeworld: we in a red car
[16:04] kingkevin91: how about in like 10 minutes
[16:04] gullytodeworld: no
[16:04] kingkevin91: ok 5
[16:04] gullytodeworld: we comin nw
[16:04] kingkevin91: 5 minutes it is
[16:05] gullytodeworld: so run for ur fat cuzin
[16:05] kingkevin91: he's sensitive about his weight
[16:05] gullytodeworld: ok
[16:05] gullytodeworld: kein is akeem dnt run for no one
[16:05] gullytodeworld: as yet
[16:05] gullytodeworld: lol
[16:06] gullytodeworld: kevin
[16:06] kingkevin91: noted
[16:06] gullytodeworld: lol
[16:06] kingkevin91: so red car
[16:06] kingkevin91: meadowbrook
[16:06] kingkevin91: in 15 to 25 minutes?
[16:06] gullytodeworld: na
[16:06] kingkevin91: 45 minute
[16:06] kingkevin91: maybe an hour
[16:06] gullytodeworld: in 298days
[16:07] gullytodeworld: lol
[16:07] gullytodeworld: u is a ass
[16:07] kingkevin91: haha
[16:07] gullytodeworld: wat goin on
[16:08] gullytodeworld: it ok
[16:09] kingkevin91: you got me mixed up with another kevin
[16:10] gullytodeworld: no g
[16:10] gullytodeworld: this is akeem
[16:11] kingkevin91: i don't think we know each other
[16:11] gullytodeworld: ok
[16:12] kingkevin91: but that was good times
[16:13] gullytodeworld: yes

now the question is, should i maintain this new found friendship?

i kicked ball

2009-10-27T13:13:00.008-04:00

tomorrow marks the conclusion of my first season of kickball. it has been interesting. i am not sure what i was expecting (hot single girls all over me), but overall the experience was good. this was mainly due to the fact that it gave me something new to do and it led to a lot hanging out with eskay and chris but not so much the girl part.

our team was not good. i believe we are 1-4-1. i certainly had my share of mistakes and am not the greatest athlete, but i was one of the best players on the team if that gives you any indication of how bad our team was. we had the mercy rule called on us twice in one game. steve and i have collided twice while attempting to field fly balls. but whatever...that was not the point of kickball. i joined to have fun and meet some new people and to party. our first game seemed to indicate good things to come as almost every girl on the team was extremely hot. we lost that first game in what would be a preview of what was to come. postgame, chris, steve and i were ready to hit the bars...as is kind of the rule with kickball. guess who went to the bars that night? me, chris and steve. that shit was busted.

throughout the season, we managed to get various parts of the team to go out, but realized that they were all a tight group of friends and we were the strangers they were not really trying to include. some were friendlier than others, and a couple of people have actually been making efforts to include us more, which is nice. there has been a severe lack of flip cup which i experienced going out with steve's other team and was what i kind of thought was just the norm. not so much.

eskay and i kind of picked 2 girls who we thought were both hot and single to possibly focus our attention on. my girl who i will not name but refer to as the ice queen is hot (and to be honest, way out of my league), but she has never exactly warmed up to me. she has separated the boys from the girls twice now when we've gone out to the bars. last week i found out she had a boyfriend and met him. i was just telling steve...ice queen's bf was normal and seemed like a nice enough guy....but seriously, fuck that dude. i should have serenaded her.

steve's girl is certainly more friendly, but she hasn't really been showing much interest. i guess at least they didn't string us along and make us think we might have had a chance. they've been very clear through their actions. again, the team has been nice, but sort of like, we're all stuck here together, so we'll be polite and sort of half-ass drinking and hanging out. one couple has invited us to a halloween party, but i think it's cause they kinda feel bad for us and not because they really want us to attend. so that doesn't seem like a good prospect. what this all means is that tomorrow we will say goodbye. i will make out with the ice queen and then never see any of them ever again. only to be left with memories and possibly material for a book about kickball.

for the spring season, steve and i have been discussing joining a saturday league, starting a new team on our current league, and possibly me joining his current thursday league. that's a lot of kickball. hopefully there will be more social, single and realistically hot girls to reject me. we'll see. as of now, i am ready for this to be over and get back to my regular schedule, going to the gym a little more frequently, not drinking in the middle of the week and getting more sleep. i have fallen way off the with my health and fitness. i'm sure, come march, i will be ready to give it another go or 3.

first time seems like a success, but i'd still rather put noodles in me

2009-10-26T14:40:00.007-04:00

this weekend, dan and laura had a get-together at their place and we drank a lot of pumpkin beer, played poker (2nd place) and hung out. the real interesting highlight was my first foray into the world of acupuncture. after exclaiming that massages "don't do shit", allison was generous enough to offer to stick me with needles to help alleviate some relatively serious shoulder/trap/neck pain i was experiencing from lifting. i completely disagree with her stance on massage and soft tissue work. i have found they help speed recovery, increase mobility and just improve your overall well-being. that said, i kept my mouth shut in order to give acupuncture a try. i am pretty ignorant on acupuncture and other forms of eastern medicine, but i am in no way a skeptic.

as with any new experience that involves needles and potential pain, i was a little anxious, but i didn't show it, cause i am tough stough like that. i realized quickly that the needles that were piercing my hand did not hurt, except for the one in my palm (that later bled)...that one was kind of a bitch, but nothing too bad. she also moved them around, which seemed like an awful idea, but i suppose that's part of the deal.

while i sat their defenseless with needles stuck in my hands, people made it a point to mess with me, pretending to flick the needles, slap me in the face and make fun of me. this led to a recurring theme for the night of everyone busting on me for no real reason, but i shall save that for a future therapy session.

i did not experience the pronounced tingle or sensations that allison reported many people having. i did notice that my shoulder/trap/neck area that was previously hurting when i made an overhead press motion (raising the roof), was now feeling pretty good. i wouldn't say it was 100%, but significantly better. doubters said i was experiencing a placebo effect, which i suppose is possible as well, but either way, i felt better and was glad i gave it a try. the real test will be when i go to the gym in a few hours and try some heavy clean and presses.

here's a video of me clean and pressing 365 a few weeks ago:

short of murdering dan snyder, this had to happen

2009-10-16T13:50:00.005-04:00

after years of threatening....i think i am finally at that point. mark it down, i am no longer a redskins fan. i enjoyed the 80's and some of the 90's. my dad is a skins fan, so i followed suit. and when i think about it, it's his conviction to remain a fan that i was both impressed with as well as what had me barely holding on as a fan for the last 5 or so years. i know die-hards like steve will shake their heads disspointingly, but hey, that's just the way it's gotta be sometimes.

now i am going to be making some poorly thought out points, throwing out questionable statistics and possibly fabricated quotes, but my main argument is the redskins are no good and the reason for this is one man, dan snyder. fuck that guy! seriously...what a fucking tool. as you might be able to tell, i have a lot of anger and extreme hatred directed towards this ass. i'm sad that becuase of this baby murderer, i will no longer get to enjoy sundays with my dad like i used to.

look, as a former redskins fan, i know the issues. besides the very obvious racial slur of a team name, protected under the guise of it being historical or tradition or whatever, this team has had a constant ceiling of mediocre and floor of awful. being bad is ok. i am ok with that. it's how you deal with it that makes a difference. see how good teams build through the draft? well how about we say screw that and trade away our draft picks for over-rated or past-their-prime "star" players? i admittedly fell for this throw money around to win plan and boy was i wrong. i realized this, how come wonder boy couldn't? and when we do somehow have draft picks, we don't use them wisely. we had 3 second round picks 2 years ago. any normal gm would address the biggest need which is/was an aging o-line with no depth. what do we do? draft 2 wr's and a tight end that have done jack shit. this team continues to pull stupid move after stupid move and that is why we gave the lions their first win in almost 2 calendar years. we don't have a gm. just an incompetent team president that is basically danny's yes man. ugh.....it's so irritiating...glad i'm done with them.

snyder loves the attention of the flashy signing. his love of big names continues with coaches. and when he went on to sign a nobody, he hired him first as offensive coordinator and then promoted him head coach when nobody else would touch that job. cause people have come to realize what a dysfunctional organization this is. now zorn is now on the hotseat and while he hasn't been a great coach, it's hardly all his fault, but snyder probably doesn't see it that way. he apparently wanted mike shanahan, but when shananan said he would only do it if he had control over player personel, snyder balked. because he and vinny have had such a great track record building teams. i was being real sarcastic in that last sentence.

another bad aspect is that this isn't a bad coach or qb or gm, where you just have to deal with it for a little bit, but you know they will soon be out of a job. this is the owner. and even worse, he's like 40 years old! also, the redskins are like the most profitable team in the nfl! so he's never gonna sell and he'll probably own then for the next 40 years. at least with other shitty owners (al davis) they will be dead soon. there is light at the end of the tunnel for those fans. not so much for those poor redskins fans. maybe one day i will come back, but it would have to take something drastic....not just a good redskins team.
so that leaves me a man without a team....unlike dan, my fellow ex-redskin fan, i cannot just jump on the ravens. something about that doesn't feel right. i can't pick another nfc east team either. i also would not want to pick one of the best teams in the league as i am no fair-weather fan nor do i want a team with a huge national following. and i hate the patriots. so what does that leave me with? i don't mind picking a bad team as long as they are learning from their mistakes and building for a better future.

possible new teams going from west to east

49ers
texans
lions
dolphins

what do you think?

i can do this....

2009-10-16T11:04:00.007-04:00

in the past i would kill this super mutant with kindness...now i will steal his wallet

fallout 3 was one of my favorite video games i played this year and probably the first game since gears of war 1 that i had any interest in replaying once i completed the story. i let nam borrow it for a while and i just got it back a little while ago. i decided to restart the game and play it differently, as i simply ran straight through the story without dealing with any side quests.

the first time i played through i of course was extremely good and made choices and decisions in the game that match my natural bleeding heart tendencies. i was always giving water to thirsty people, helping children, always using the polite choice in the conversation path and never stealing or pickpocketing. i was basically the angel that i am in real life.

now i have put in a few hours into my new character that kinda looks like me with a beard and i am again decidedly good. i did not detonate the bomb in the middle of megaton and have not been stealing. i have made my new character less soldiery and more sciency. but i am wondering what i am missing being a goodie-2 shoes. i wanna be bad, but, and this is gonna seem real lame, i feel bad for the npc's. i get wrapped up in the game and don't want to shatter lives. my empathy is powerful and far reaching.

i ran into this same issue when i played mass effect. i would start acting like an ass and people would start crying and responding like, "how could you say that? all of those innocent people's lives are at stake..." then i start crying (me, not my character) and restart the game before i acted cruelly.

so i am gonna give being bad another try. i figure...i am so good and moral in real life and video games are meant to be an escape and to essentially live another life. i am excited about the prospect of being evil and all that goes along with it. i just need to man up and not be affected by the suffering i will cause, cause many will suffer and suffer badly...

yeah, yeah...i know

2009-10-15T13:12:00.005-04:00

it has been quite a break but i cannot quit this blog. life has been a little eventful since august....i guess. not really, but for my own personal record when i reread this things years from now, i will be like oh yeah, i remember when i said i that that movie was ok. here are some quick hits as best i can recall:

went to the beach with dave, chris, michele, jill and dan and we all stayed in a one econolodge room...good work on that dave.
went back to the dragon's tail. stayed in a sweet house. saw anders pass out in a crouching/praying position. went to my first indian casino. traveled the underground lake with a tour guide with some sweet jokes.
joined a kickball team with steve and chris. our team is no good (currently 1-3-1). the single girls on the team are hot as balls, yet cold as ice.
still doing special olympics and am starting to take more of a leadership role. the big competition is on halloween...at mt st. mary's university....at 7am...ugh.
jessie loves brodie.
i changed my oil for the first time ever.
fell down the outside stairs at brewer's art. the bouncer said it was a "graceful fall".
beach hawk/the fruity boys
still nowhere near where i want to be in-shape wise.
been enjoying hanging out a lot with steve, froilan and jevon like we're back in towson.
became pretty good friends with katie.
i have 2 money fantasy football teams, one in 1st place, one in last, they both suck.
nickie is moving out. who will move in?
still don't know how to talk to girls.
had a better time at renfest than last year. drank and ate a ton.
saw jim gaffigan with louise and her parents.
a trainer at my gym said i had freakish leg strength, while another gigantic man was impressed with my 395 lb dead lift.
we no longer get fx and i now have to watch it's always sunny in philadelphia on hulu on an 8 day delay.
got the trx.

so that's what i can remember. here's potential stuff coming up:

dan's birthday party
halloween...got no plans and no potential costume.
zip lining
trying to go on a trip soon...a real trip
reconsidering learning some mma...but it's so expensive, although the physical challenge is appealing, plus it would be nice to know how to fight
work on getting out of rut
planning on joining more social sports, hoping we have a more inclusive team
ravens-broncos
need to explore my creative outlets more....write some songs, stories, paint, beatlab, etc.
dave's gonna graduate...party?
need to pick a new football team to follow...may blog about the awfulness of snyder.
wizards' season is about to start...cautiously optimistic.
learn how to drive stick

ok...so that's enough for now and it covers what i've missed blogging about in a very glossed over way. i am more or less caught up and can start blogging again in excruciating detail and with a cringe worthy whiny tone about thoughts or occurrences.

my internet video presence needs some serious work

2009-07-28T10:31:00.006-04:00

this past weekend was chris' 31st birthday and we went out to silver spring for dinner and drinking. well while we were out a girl was looking for someone to dance with. all of my married friends pointed to me, being the single guy in the group. although, i usually avoid dancing to crappy cover bands on completely empty dance floors, i felt pressured, combined with my new "fuck-it" approach to life, i agreed. i am not a good dancer and the song was not a fast or slow song, so it made everything pretty awkward. so of course everyone watches and laughs and even videotapes it for what i can only assume will end up on the internet, much to my chagrin.

this made me pause and think. that video and the video of laura slapping me are basically my only video presence on the internet. so basically, in all videos of me online i am just getting straight clowned. that just does not sit well with me and i think i need to do a little pr work to improve my image on the web.

phil suggested i get someone to start filming candid video of me doing good deeds and then acting embarrassed that they "caught me". and that i should go on about how i don't do it for the positive attention, that i just like helping people and it's kind of just become an everyday type of thing...or even a way of life. either way, here are a few potential things i could do:

give money to the homeless
help protect an elderly woman from a mugger (played by a friend who wears a ski mask)
rescue a dog (jessie) stuck in a tree
push a kid out of the way of oncoming traffic

any other ideas? help me out.

this also all goes along with sort of a new lofty goal of creating some sort of viral video. obviously it will take a lot of trial and error and some serious luck, but i figure it will at least yield something funny to me. my hope is it is a viral video that shows me in a good light and not something that is thoroughly humiliating and briefly makes me the laughing stock of the country.

so hopefully it's not so much this:

and more along the lines of this:

who wants in on this? come holla at your boy.

happy birthday lolo

2009-07-28T10:08:00.006-04:00

dearest lori,

45 years ago today, the world was given one of the sweetest gifts ever...you. my love for you started back around age 9 where your beauty caught my eye in the criminally underrated film, rad. everyone who knows me is familiar with you being my all time #1 celebrity crush. maybe one day i will meet you and stare in shock, not being able to talk, but that day will surely be the greatest day in my life. though you may be half way to 90, your beauty knows no age and quite frankly you put most 20 something celebrities to shame. i will end this creepy blog post now before things get even weirder, but i just want to wish you a happy birthday!

love,

kevin loughlin

28 days laura

2009-07-08T14:39:00.006-04:00

laura and i have discussed having a horror movie marathon, which appears to be a go for saturday afternoon. i am definitely more of the scary movie connoisseur (my initial attempt at spelling that word was way off) and sent laura an initial batch of already on-hand movies we could choose from. after some e-mailing back and forth, we wittled the list down to the following:

descent
quarantine
high tension
them
the orphanage

what i noticed was that laura was vetoing anything involving zombies. i'm glad i know that she is scared of zombies. not that i plan on using that knowledge in any sort of antagonistic way, but it's nice to stockpile as much potential arsenal as possible. either way, i am still lobbying to include 28 days later, since they are not technically undead. anybody else have any other good horror movie suggestions?

i also realize that we cannot possibly watch all of these movies since watching a dozen hours of nonstop tv can't be healthy, but we also have chris' ufc 100 party to go to. realistically we are looking at 3 movies, so hopefully we choose them wisely. i am looking forward to laura getting scared and me laughing about it.

it also crossed my mind that this could be a nice setting for some serious dance slap payback, but i'm thinking it's too soon, and i guess the fact that i am writing about it proves that i won't actually slap her. or will i? i won't.

i know i am over a day late, but i seriously love the internet

2009-07-07T15:12:00.000-04:00

ok..so here's what happens on the moon

2009-06-12T11:10:00.005-04:00

riker and captain kirk are huddled around the space computer, typing away. spock enters the room and slowly creeps up behind them, surprising both by placing his hands on their shoulders. riker exclaims "ahh!, don't do that! you creep that shit out of me when you siddle up like that." spock changes the subject and inquires about what they are working on. "we are just working on our final report on what actually happened on the moon. we're almost finished and space headquarters should receive it in about 20 minutes." explains kirk.
spock ponders this for a moment before deciding that shq is better off not knowing the horrific blunders occured on the moon. "kirk..." spock offers, "wouldn't you like a bagel right now? imagine it...all hot and crispy on the outside...warm and soft on the inside. you can use that delicious veggie cream cheese...spread it real thick...mmmm...just think about it....mmmm...eh?" without saying a word, kirk propels himself backwards on his rolling space chair and darts out the room to the enterprise kitchenette.

spock now focuses his attention on the tougher to crack riker. "look, i know what you're trying to do. it won't work on me, because we have to let the world know what happened on the moon. a lot of fucked up shit went down and if we try to ignore it...it's just gonna get worse. way worse. i mean...can you believe that that alien-" spock interupts, "i left some klingon porn in the den...nobody's looking..." his eyes dart back and forth like he's on the lookout, "nobody's judging..." riker barks back..."whatever...i'm not into that stuff....if anyone would know that i would expect it to be you!" spock ashamedly looks away. spock changes gears and explains, for every 10 seconds that riker remains in the room, he will be removing an article of clothing. riker points out "but you're only wearing a one piece jump suit..." spock counts down "3...2...1..." and with surgical precision, is completely nude. riker can't handle it anymore and leaves the room. spock deflty alters the contents of the report and retitles it "the moon: nothing out of the ordinary".

another problem with being short

2009-06-12T10:19:00.006-04:00

man this blog has become whine central...although i guess a majority of blogs are. anyways, let me complain about how clothing companies discriminate against short people. unlike others who are height-challenged, i will readily admit to being short. i'm 5'8...er well at least 5'7 and definitely taller than dave. yes, i know this is short, but not ridiculously far from what i assume is the average height for men (i'm guessing 5'10). yet, when i tried to buy some new jeans yesterday, i find the shortest inseam (30) is still an inch or two too long for me. they have fucking 42 inch waists, but no 29 or 28 inch inseams? wtf? again, i admit to being short...but there are a lot of people shorter than me, and i feel that is ridiculous that i should have to special order jeans or have them tailored just so they can fit like they do on "normal sized" people.

as my friends know, i have always had abnormally large legs. this has been even further exaggerated with my recent weight lifting. so i already have a dilemma where my legs are too short for normal jeans, but now i either need to choose 32 inch waist that surprisingly fits my waist but makes my legs look like they are going to explode or else get 34 inch waist jeans that give my legs a little room, but then don't fit my waist.

i guess the point is, i am realizing that it is hard to find clothes that actually fit me correctly. is my body type that out of the ordinary? i feel that the short (but not super short) and fat (but not obese) demographic is not represented in clothing nearly as much as it is in our population. we are falling through the cracks and getting screwed over and i don't like it. in the meantime, i will be pulling up my pants high like an old person so they don't drag on the ground and i guess contemplating getting them tailored, probably doubling the cost of my jeans.

data will make it all better

2009-06-08T10:55:00.003-04:00

With the meeting adjourned and the plan set for in place for tomorrow's time travel, Data heads back to his favorite spot to perv on the girls whilst showering. He walks by some of the space cabins and notices a clearly bummed out Wesley Crusher. Data inquires, “What seems to be the problem, teenage human?” Wesley turns his face away to hide his tears and blurts out “Nothing.” Data knows something is up and offers, “I just got a new bag of Jelly Babies with your name on them...eh?” “That won't help...but I will take them. Look, you wouldn't understand anyways. It's a girl problem.” Data acknowledges with a non-judgmental head nod. “You see, every time I meet a girl, it never gets past the space dance floor. They always tell me that I'm not...that I'm not...sigh... funky enough.”

Data responds, “Oh hale naw! You ain't goin out like that! Look, I know you can bring the funky. It's definitely inside of you.” Data confidently strides over to the space boombox and pops in his space tape of DJ Kool. The music starts up and Data grabs Wesley's hands and pulls him up to his feet. Standing side by side with DJ Kool starting, “Let me clear my throat!”, Data insists “Watch me and mimic.” “Step to the left”, Data steps to the left. “Step to the right”, Data steps to the right. “Now just shimmy those shoulders and swivel those hips, like this!” The young Mr. Crusher watches and takes mental notes, but doesn't have time to be shy as Data just grabs his hand and makes him find his funky. After a few moments of awkward, unsure movements, Data insists “OK, new plan, just close your eyes and let the funky find you.” As he closes his eyes, Wesley begins to let go and let the funky take over. Before he realizes it, he is dancing and dancing funkily right along with Data. They are having a grand time and Wesley's confidence grows exponentially.

i need to find my inner slater

2009-06-08T09:55:00.006-04:00

because i know all of you care about my ongoing saga of being lame and single, i will note another evening out i had this weekend. saturday night i went to this bar that had ping pong tables with chris, bub, jill and bub's roommate nora. we ended up playing with this group of 3 cute girls. bub invented a game that allowed all 8 of us to play across 2 tables. i was next to the hottest girl, who jill described as a prettier lisa turtle and who i thought sort of looked like christina milian.

anyways, she was really cool and funny and we chatted a bit, often high fiving paddles when we got a point for our team or else when she successfully defended the abyss. either way, the night was set up pretty well for me to make a relatively low risk attempt at getting her number:

positives

i came with a group of people, boys and girls ( i feel like arriving in a mixed group like that seems less creepy and desperate)
she smiled at me quite a few times
i didn't say anything incredibly stupid
we had a sweet play where she popped the ball up off her arm and i slammed it for the point
there were not a lot of other guys around trying to compete for their attention

negatives

i was not drunk at all (no liquid courage to make me not a pussy)
she was way too hot for me (obviously)
the bar closed too early, i feel like another round of abyss ball and i maybe (probably not) could have made a move

oh well, another weekend, another regretful lack of trying. this has to stop and i need to man up. i don't know what i am so worried about. so what if she says no? it wouldn't be that big of a deal. i feel like i should have gone through this stuff when i was much younger. i also need to find the right balance of drunk. not be 10 drinks in, nor completely sober. i was the driver that night, so that is part of my excuse, but i think my friends are gonna have dd for me so that i can get moderately drunk...say 5 drinks?

another interesting note was that i wore my sambas after dave's gf made fun of my shoes last weekend. 3 different girls commented on how much they liked my shoes..granted 2 of them were jill and nora, but still...i'll take it. anyways, next week will be a different story, hopefully.

(i was looking for video of the episode where lisa breaks her foot and wins the dance contest at the max with screech but couldn't find it.)

spock is kinda turning into a serious a-hole

2009-06-05T12:34:00.004-04:00

the story continues. if i loser it up this weekend, then i will have time to really dig into this story and makes some progress. for now, here is what i just wrote in the last 10 minutes. as usual, and i will stop asking and just know it is assumed, but please leave any feedback in the comments.

Most of the crew, well at least all the major movers and shakers were sitting around the buffet table, enjoying their meals (in space pill form) and trying to listen to Bones yammer on about his plan. Kirk has already dozed off and Spock was making threatening facial gestures towards Jordy, who unlike Scotty, knew better than to escalate matters. The plan is complicated and Bones isn't even 100% sure it will work correctly. “Basically, if my calculations are close enough, then it should work. We all need to enter the reactor pods completely nude...” explains Bones. Whoopi cackles “Oooh child...I bet you would love that!”. Clearly disturbed, Bones tries to continue his explanation. “Anyways...once in our assigned reactor pods, I will remotely activate the centrifuge. Once it begins, the pods will release space gas to put us to sleep. The spinning will eventually generate 88 metric tons of space pressure per space meter. That magic number, combined with the reverse osmosis will send us and the ship exactly 2 months back in time so we can easily pretend like we are not feeling well and avoid the moon mission.” At this point, Bones is essentially talking to himself. “I should have just let that bear eat me that one time...” he mumbles to himself. Picard, realizing that Bones has finished with his little presentation, stands up, yawns mockingly and declares “Ok everyone, let's just do what poindexter here says and -” Chekov interupts “But sir, doesn't this all seem a little risky? It's just a week. We'll all be fine after that.” Picard's face and voice suddenly take a more serious tone. “You little shit. Do not ever interrupt me again! Do you realize who I am? I'm the motherfuckin cap'n son! You mess up like that again, and my Vulcan buddy over here will make sure your screams can be heard in outer space.” Chekov glances over to Spock who is flashing a fucked up joker smile and is licking his lips. Chekov nervously agrees “I'm in. Let's go..back to the future...uh I mean past. Spock please stop staring at me. I'll be good now.”

i am no jon arbuckle

2009-06-05T11:32:00.006-04:00

gonna take a quick break from my star trek story to note a recent revelation i had about my life. now i know i whine and complain about girls and stuff a lot on this blog, but whatever, that's what blogs are for sometimes. that's just the way it's gotta be sometimes. anyways, i took jessie to the vet last night as her ears have been bothering her. they also had to test her urine to make sure her uti was gone. well they got the sample and brought her back to the exam room where i was. jessie then begins to pee. not her normal squat and pee maneuver i have seen thousands of times. she was just standing as if nothing was going on and pee was shooting out from behind like she suddenly sprung a leak. i immediately yelled for her to stop and made her move. i quickly grabbed some paper towels, hoping i could clean it up before anyone noticed. then i looked at jessie, now peeing where i moved her to. it was ridiculous. i was scrambling around trying to clean up what ended up being about 10 different puddles of pee in something out of a stupid movie. this ridiculousness lasted about 5 minutes and i was able to "clean" it up, but as soon as the vet came in, i was like, we gotta change rooms.

ah, the new vet. she was of course really cute and age appropriate and she seemed to really like jessie. i considered trying to chat her up a little bit beyond the normal pet stuff, but who are we kidding? anyways, at one point during this visit, i looked at big fat, brindle jessie and wondered, is my life turning into a real life version of garfield? where i have a crush on my vet who takes care of my slovenly, striped pet? this realization was about 60% amusing, 40% depressing.

sequel to star wars

2009-06-04T15:49:00.003-04:00

well most people have enjoyed what i have written so far. i just spent another 30 minutes writing a little more, which i will post below. ben just came up with a genius ending to the story that doesn't even have a plot yet. and by genius, i mean, so good that i don't know if i should even use it. again, please post your feedback. anyways, the story picks up after the spock-scotty altercation.

Nurse Uhura dutifully stitches Scotty's nose back on his face using a little elbow grease and a lot of space thread. “Oh Scotty, why do you always allow that a-hole to suck you into his weirdo mind games?” Scotty shrugs his shoulder, lets out a sigh and avoids eye contact. Last night Scotty had professed his horniness to Uhura, only to have her admit that she was horny for someone else. She wouldn't admit who, but he had his suspicions. “Just make it so I can smell again...” Right then Sulu walks by “Mmm, you're kinda ripe already dude.” He smiles, high fives Uhura and she exclaims “Amen to that!” All 3 burst out laughing simultaneously, Uhura and Sulu share a knowing glance that is not noticed by Scotty. Or was it?

Back on the bridge, Captains Kirk and Picard are mulling over what could have become of their planned double date if they weren't quarantined. “I would totally have gotten the hot one.” explains Picard. “The ladies love 'cardy!” Kirk asks “Why is everything a competition with you? They both probably would have been hot, at least that's what Data told me and his tastes are impeccable. Either way, we'll never know. Stupid moon. I hate you moon!” Just then Bones comes excitedly bumbling into the command center. “Captain! I think I may have figured out a way to get us out of this pickle! What we need to do is what's known as 'time travel'.” Both captains look at each other. Captain Kirk mentions “I've never heard of that.” Picard throws in his two cents “It sounds stupid.” “Sirs, it's not stupid and can make it so that we never have to undergo that situation on the moon and be able to bypass this quarantine, thusly getting our leave time.” Kirk asks “Well are there any risks involved?” Picard snaps back, “Whatever, who cares about 'risks'...quit being such a baby and let's just do what nerdboy here wants to do so we can go on our double date. I call no Klingon!” Kirk, realizing he has been beaten to the punch, hangs his head low and attempts to focus on Bones' plan.

star wars

2009-06-04T10:21:00.009-04:00

i have recently become aware of the phenomena known as fan fiction and i found the idea pretty intriguing. now even though i have not technically watched much star trek, i sort of get the gist i think. i'm a pretty sharp guy. while i may not know many specifics, its presence in pop culture gives me a good enough idea of how things work. i assume the show has a very rich history i can mine from and has many fans that might find my take on the star trek universe fun and entertaining. i'm not saying these will be better than actual star trek stories, although i am not ruling the possibility out, but we'll see where it goes. i just started writing it this morning and am using my usual write as i go with no idea where it will eventually end up.

i have already been chastised by dan for writing this when i am not a "trekkie" or whatever you nerds call yourselves. nam has also pointed out that jess wrote some trek fan fic when she was like 15. either way, i have spent about 30 minutes crafting the beginning scene or whatever for my story. i realize that i am not a very good writer right now, but hopefully i will improve some as i go. i will post what i have so far below. please provide any feedback positive or negative about what i have written so far, as well as any suggestions. thanks!

Untitled Start Trek Adventure

Captain's Log #345

We have some downtime whilst awaiting our redeployment next week. Unfortunately, due to the mishap on the moon, we are all quarantined here on this fucking ship. I swear to god that I will murder everyone on board if they can't expedite this process and give us some god-damned leave. I am getting too old for this shit.

Tensions are high aboard the S.S. Enterprise as nobody will take full blame for what happened on the moon. The crew has been on duty for 6 straight months and now their leave time is being used up. They just can't catch a break. Everyone sits around eyeballing each other, barely speaking a word. Spock, clearly one of the most upset crew members, steps down from his garish throne and intensely locks eyes with Scotty. Not being one to ever back down, Scotty stands up from his side-lying position at the bay window and aggressively approaches the cold-faced Spock. The present crew members focus their attention on the potential face-off as at least a means of entertainment if not a form of justice as many place the blame of the moon fiasco solely on Spock's broad Vulcan shoulders.

Both men now stand facing each other in the middle of the room, posturing up and looking tough. “Oh man...I have been waiting for this moment for a loooooong time...are you ready to be murdered by these fingers?” asked Scotty. Spock calmly replied “According to my calculations, you will lose this fight so bad, you died yesterday....and so did your Momma!” An enraged Scotty gets in Spock's face “That's it, you ready to fight?” “No fighting...” Scotty raises his eyebrow and looks confused. Spock continued, “...just kissing.” Scotty scans the room to get confirmation from his fellow crewmates that this took a weird turn. Spock smiles and leans in for the kiss, but quickly changes course and takes a huge chomp out of Scotty's unsuspecting nose. Spock then spits out the nose chunk and causally walks away. His smug expression is only matched by the horror on Scotty's face as dark red blood projects out of his nose hole like a fruit punch fountain dispenser. Even though their was a collective gasp and scream of horror from Sulu, everybody else acts like they didn't see it cause it's really gross.

so bro is a nono for coco?

2009-06-03T09:52:00.005-04:00

as a g.e. shareholder, i have to assume that a change from stupid jay leno to awesome conan o'brien can only help the struggling megaconglomerate. it still astounds me that jay leno has fans and that includes my parents for some reason...i suppose it's a generational thing, but i dunno, 25 years from now i am pretty sure i will not enjoy dumbed-down, lazyily written, safe, predictable "humor" delivered by a hacky comic (who apparently was still making monica lewinsky and oj simpson jokes last week). this fucker couldn't just retire gracefully. he knew america craved more leno. 17 years of blandness was obviously not enough and he will now be doing a 10 pm show that i guess matches his audience's sleeping habits better, except that it would honestly work much better for me if conan aired at 10. i have ranted on leno's awfulness in a prior blog post, and there has been plenty of anti-leno stuff written recently (here's a good one from videogum), so i won't go on and on about it anymore. fuck you jay leno. ok now i'm done.

now let's take a critical look at conan obrien's 2 day tenure on the tonight show. i somehow stayed up for the first episode, but had to dvr last night's. overall, i was kind of dissappointed with the first show. conan has set the standard high and i also know that with it being the first night, he had to keep it relatively safe and ease his absurdly assy brand of humor in slowly. it was nice to see him on a great looking set, especially when compared to leno's over the top, tacky, garish set. it was awesome to see andy richter back, although a little weird that he is now standing off to the side instead of sitting next to conan. max weinberg is back witht he same band, althought hearing "max weinberg and the tonight show band" will take some getting used to.

the show opened with conan, 20 minutes from taping his first show, realizing he still needed to move from new york to california. the montage of him running through amish country, across wrigley field, not being able to resist a quick visit to a doll museum, etc. was more a nice way to start off the show than anything that funny. during his monolgue, you could sense his nervousness and his jokes were ok, not great. the next segment had conan taking over one of those universal studios tours. while some of his quips fell flat, there were some decent stuff, like getting everyone to chant "circle! circle! circle!" as the tour trolleys simply rode around in a circle. this chant carried over into the live audience which was pretty funny.

will ferrell was the only sit down guest and he was also oddly restrained. he did manage to call liza minelli( his tony award competition) a communist. he sang conan a heartfelt goodbye song (gigantic ass), but where was the leprechaun dance?

as i ate breakfast this morning i watched the beginning of last night's show. i liked what i saw. i still don't really care much for the monolgue (conan's nor the idea of them for these shows in general). the sketch where he goes on a shopping spree on rodeo road (not drive) in south central was pretty assy and hilarious. his purchase of the bitch belt was nice. also a seemingly stupid sketch where he brings all of the most "interesting" tweets from celebrities was super assy. as they were the most mundane tweets possibly, but delivered by some extreme sounding and super assy announcer. i don't know if it has the lasting power of most of his classics, but i enjoyed it.

either way, things are looking up and i hope to see a gradual upping of the assiness and reintroductions of classic characters and bits like the masturbating bear, vomiting kermit, frankenstein, pierre bernard and of course triumph. and if you don't like staying up late, or you have a life at night, and you don't dvr stuff, you can catch his show on hulu.

what's yo man got to do with me?

2009-06-01T10:16:00.010-04:00

this marks 2 weekends in a row that were a little more interesting and eventful than usual. yesterday we played basketball and lost to a bunch of 11 year old hustlers. saturday we went to bub's bbq and while it was a great time, i do have some regrets. the paragraphs coming up may become a little too personal and could turn into one of those situations where you are so embarassed for someone that it makes you embarassed...i dunno how it's all gonna come out....but just a warning that you might want to just skip this post. i guess it's not really thaaaat bad, but just maybe more than i should share publicly.
anyways...i drank at the bbq....kind of a lot. it started off with a 40 of steel reserve and continued with jungle juice and other beers. i dominated in flip cup to the point where it wasn't really fair any more. i got into some serious beer pong shit-talking with bub's crazy roommate who farted on another girl. i played some invented beach ball game with jill. i may have agreed to take kung fu with some guy with a strong southern accent. dave wanted to punch chris in the face. i somehow ended up scraping the knuckles on my left hand pretty good and i don't remember how. i got to see katie's apartment and she apprently made fun of my shoes. i won one game of dominos without playing.

i also spotted a girl...er well dave spotted her and said i should talk to her. i took a look and agreed. she was really cute and seemed cool. now here is why i need to find the right level of drunkeness. i was certainly socially lubricated, but was also an idiot. i did manage to talk to her some. i found out we have a similar fondness for freaks and geeks. i also know that she is going to grad school for something in education. i just wasn't focused enough and as the night went on, i think my comments to her got more and more non-sensical. either way, i couldn't have made a good first impression. due to my inebriation, i also really have no clue if she was interested as well and my self-defeatist style says doubtful.

i do hope that she was pretty drunk too. that could help me out some. the worst part though...i didn't even say bye to her when i stumbled out of bub's house...i know...
i remember her name and i hope to see her again at one of bub's future get togethers. where i will hopefully be a little drunk, so that i can summon the courage to really try to holla at her, but not sloppy drunk. i also have a lot of self doubt i guess and can psych myself out of these things. maybe she is dating someone...she probably is not interested...i don't know what to say...why am i so awkward?...etc. i know i need to be a little more positive and confident, but that can be hard to force.
so yeah, i am feeling like enough time has passed from my previous relationship that i should be trying to drunkenly hit on girls. it has been a long time since i have actually talked to a girl i was into and that in and of itself was nice. but i am realizing that for whatever reason (i like to think that it's because i have been in ltr after ltr) i have no game and need to improve my conversational skills...as well as upgrade my shoes apparently. at this point i even consider my pathetic attempts on saturday a success as at least i am making an effort. if i never see her again, at least i got a little practice and next time it will be easier. i look to my friends who after laughing at me, should give me some tips on trying to talk to girls or any other general girl advice.

ready, set, gogoplata

2009-05-26T16:42:00.005-04:00

well tobin already beat me to actually writing about this, but this one of about 7 bruises currently on my arms from the free brazilian jiu-jitsu class i took a week ago (the bruise was much worse a few days ago). chris was astounded by the bruises and explained how if one of his students showed up like that for class, he would be forced to call child protective services. none of these bruises actually hurt, but i feel like they make me look tougher.

the first class was a lot of fun as i worked primarily with the assistant teacher during the advanced class. he showed me some warm-ups and basic transitions and maneuvers. after that we grappled for about 20 minutes where he administered my multiple arm bruises. i was able to submit him twice, and he claimed that he did not "give them to me", which whether true or not was nice to hear. also worth noting that i was nearly twice his size, but my natural reaction of trying to muscle my way out of situations often ended up with my body twisted up like a pretzel.

i should be rolling with gina soon enough...so adorably deadly

everyone there was really friendly and they kept explaining how i won't remember the moves next time, or even the next 100 times, but that eventually i would realize that i was just doing the moves. the school was kind of far away...probably 30 minutes if there is no traffic, but i was thinking i was on board and ready to mix it up. then i discovered the price for joining the school and i was completely deflated. i wrestled with the trying to find a way to make it work financially, but in the end...the price plus the distance was too much and i have not returned.

after seeing sonny and renee yesterday, sonny mentioned someone he knew that was an mma fighter and had opened a gym in columbia. i checked it out online and it seems to be a nicer facility that is obviously more conveniently located. the prices are a little bit cheaper if i sign up for a year...even cheaper if i can get someone to couple up with me and get the couple rate...and even cheaper if 3 friends want to kick it family-style. this gym also teaches a lot of striking and seems to be a little more focused on training people that want to fight, and i know i am no fighter...but either way, this place might make more sense.
the final and much more likely route involves getting a few beginner books and/or dvds and learning some basics in my living room with dave and brodie. i figure i will get bjj for dummies or something really basic like that and try to not be completely incompetent. if i find that i like it and i am not going back to school this fall, i will revisit the idea of signing up for these super expensive classes. this plan also times well with my work getting a brand new gym in august that will hopefully be super cheap and allow me to quit my current gym.

wheaton tastes pretty good

2009-05-18T10:55:00.003-04:00

yesterday i went to the taste of wheaton with my parents and it was a good time. on the way there, i had the following exchange with my dad:

me: we're going to wheaton....i wonder if there will be any peruvian chicken (spoken with extreme sarcasm)
dad: really? you do know that there are literally dozens of peruvian chicken restaurants there. (shakes his head)
me: yeah, but i-
dad: (cuts me off) ...literally dozens...
me: (sitting in silence)...

so yeah, my dad unintentionally gaussed me.

either way, i was excited about this taste of wheaton, as i enjoy eating food a lot. i figured, wheaton would be the place where pupusas would flow like wine, and it did not disappoint. i consumed the following:

1 cheese pupusa with cole slaw topping - $1
4 pieces of avocado/cucumber sushi - $2
2 vegetarian dumplings - $3
1 slice of white pizza with sliced tomatoes - $1
1 spinach and cheese calzone - $1

there were so many pupusa options it made my head spin and i am kind of surprised i only ate one. the dumplings were really good too. the sushi was ok and the italian food was a bust. that is one lesson i am intent on learning and abiding by in the future. whenever i am at a festival of some sort....avoid the italian food cause it will be shitty. this held true at renfest and the laurel main street festival and the trend continued yesterday. i don't know why pizza doesn't seem to translate well in these venues. i mean...i love pizza normally and actually ate it in some form every day this weekend, so you can tell my diet has been going well.

another fun observation was checking out the random booths set up in the non food area of the taste of wheaton. some of them i found to be ok and reasonable. montgomery county library? sure, why not? i guess kids should read and shit. churches? eh...not feeling it, but it makes sense sort of. latino health initiative? sounds good. new2you computers? hmm..this one caught my interest as their motto was something like "tell us what you want and we'll build it for you". they had random computer monitors and peripherals with generic "low price" or "hot deal" stickers on them, but no specific information. i was tempted to be an ass and check them out, but i was with my parents. the other notable booth was the montgomery county department of permits...which...i just...why?

play him off keyboard cat...play him off

2009-05-06T09:52:00.003-04:00

my prior, and honestly ongoing obsession with spaghetti cat has helped lead to my transition into the next feline internet superstar, keyboard cat. i spent most of yesterday afternoon sending various keyboard cat videos to phil. here is a sample of what keyboard cat brings to the table.

so yeah...you get the formula:

viral video + keyboard cat playing him/her out = simple comedy gold

but this also begs the follow up question of why cats appeal to me in this specific way. i am a million times more fond of dogs. cats are fine and all, but dogs just suit me better as companions. i think cats come off as more intelligent animals with some semblance of dignity that just does not exist in dogs. thus putting them in these ridiculous situations with their expressions of being "better than this" and simply "over it" works well to generate instant laughter in me. plus that song is so catchy.

if you agree with keyboard cat being awesome, you can further explore the depths of his being and his inner most thoughts at his new website.

what happens when i stay in on the weekend

2009-05-04T14:10:00.012-04:00

as i mentioned in my previous post, i stayed in most of this weekend ( i need to get a life). i suppose i could have gone to the rivetti-based bonfire party, but again, the weather foiled my interest. anyways, this led to a lot of movie viewing. i managed to watch 5 movies over the weekend, 3 of them all the way. here are my takes on these 5 movies in the order that i watched them in.

ping pong playa
this movie about a chinese american guy in his young adulthood, refusing to grow up and accept his reality, which unfortunately for him, does not include playing in the nba. now i have previously played around with a story sort of similar to this, but where mine went a very distinctively assy direction, this movie kept it funny, but eventually worked the redemption/growing up angle. it was a sweet story with some very funny, yet real performances. it does a good job of presenting asian americans in a more realistic way than most movies. i think for me, it was nice to see an asian male play the lead in a movie that did not include martial arts. it was not a perfect movie, but i think it really accomplished what it intended to and i thoroughly enjoyed it. grade: a-

jcvd

this meta movie where jean-claude van damme plays himself seemed appealing to me. essentially, while deperately dealing with trying to regain custody of his daughter, he gets caught up in the middle of an ongoing bank robbery and is held hostage. because of some unfortunate occurances, the people outside including the police believe that jcvd is the one holding everyone hostage. i got about halfway through but got bored. van damme seems to be doing a good job playing himself, but i was expecting more from all the hype. incomplete grade: c

special

this little indie flick starred one of may faves, michael rappaport, as a meter maid who is bored and unhappy with his humdrum life. he decides to take part in a drug study where he takes an experimental antidepressant. while the goal of the drug is to lessen someone's feelings of self doubt, he has the reaction of gaining superpowers that only he seems to see (he is a comic book nerd). it was a good idea and executed pretty well for what was clearly a low budget. grade: b

blackout

this was a very questionable horror movie involving 3 people who get stuck in an elevator. they each have their own relatively formulaic back stories. time on the elevator goes on and through the retelling of said back stories, it is realized that one of them is actually a serial killer! dundundun! it was honestly pretty lame and i continued to watch due to not having anything else to do, but i did not hesitate when dave inquired about switching over to the caps game. incomplete grade: d

never surrender

oh man was this movie bad. it "starred" mma stars bj penn, gsp, rampage, heath herring and anderson silva. but the main character was played by hector echavarria...who also directed, if that tells you anything. this was essentially a rehash of various old van damme movies, but executed even more poorly. it is essentially an illegal mma organization with "no rules". they claimed to pay the same as other orgs, but without the managers and trainers to worry about....hey guess what geniuses, half of the fighters' money comes from sponsors...forget about that? why would anyone want to fight in front of way less people for roughly the same amount of money and the risk of death is like a million times higher? anyways, some key things to note:

there were at least 3 drawn-out softcore sex scenes.
gsp's voice was dubbed (unintentionally hilarious)
the fighting scenes were lame
the main character was a very old and out of shape mma champion
the bad guy was like a roided up malkovich from rounders
the line, "i remember _____. but he disappeared from mma a few years ago!" was stated by the main character 4 times.

grade: d

all except for never surrender are available on netflix's watch instantly, so you should check them out if any interested you or if you have some time to kill.

it's all public now

2009-05-04T13:26:00.004-04:00

i feel like a girl when i write about these things, but i am fat. i don't know why it has that stigma attached to it...just as many guys are overweight...i guess it's just viewed as more girly to worry about it. but i am trying to care more about my health and my being fat is directly related. anyways, knowing this, i have decided that social support/ridicule might be a good way to get down to a somewhat acceptable and healthy weight and is something i never tried.

with that in mind, i had joined forces with dave's skinny gf to lose weight in some sort of biggest loser non competition agreement. i won't go into her details, but i will admit to have a starting weight of 206. i know...that's a fucking lot for someone who is questionably 5'8 (at least 3 inches taller than dave). the plan is to lose a total of 20lbs (186) by august 1. while we started the agreement on wednesday night, i had actually lost 4 lbs to get down to 202 on saturday. good start.

while i can be good during the week, of course i got derailed over the weekend. i blame dave as he started things off with presenting a treasure trove of candies purchased from 5 below. it started me off on a downward spiral that my insulin levels would not recover from. i did manage to only drink 1 beer and no liquor the entire weekend. i consider that at least a partial victory, but the candy binge and snacking from staying in both nights was truly a setback. i weighed myself this morning: 205.

so i basically undid my good work last week and am back to where i started. i will hopefully continue to be pretty strict with my eating during the week and also really minimize my damage during the weekend. i will continue to hit the gym 3 or 4 times a week and also include more non-exercise physical activity (nepa for those in the know).

i will also try to keep myself accountable by posting my updates weekly so if i am slacking, i will feel ashamed. hopefully this doesn't just make me give up and instead serves as an outside force that keeps me motivated. now what i need from my friends is to call me out, especially on the weekends when i am straying far off from healthy diet. here are some examples:

sean k should toss my pizza pie off into the distance like a frisbee
dave should ask for one bite of my spaghetti and roll the entire plates worth onto his fork
brodie should go all michael flatley on my bag of chips...i won't eat crumbs
laura should slap dance the candy out of my hand just before it reaches my mouth
nam should kick my burrito so that all that's left are the beans and veggies
chris should take all of my whiskey shots for me
phil should bench press anything i order that involves a bread bowl
dan should take my greasy chinese carryout and run it over with his bicycle

ok...you get the idea. i know that while the first few pounds might come off easily, the further down i go, the tougher it becomes, but i have to try. i think i am feeling focused and can have a good week. so assuming all goes according to plan, i will be fighting anderson silva in august. thanks in advance for your annoying help everyone.

blue vs. white vs. kevin

2009-04-27T11:57:00.019-04:00

this past weekend chris and i visited ldb in penn state. rather than post the usual bad writing, i decided to get experimental and will retell the story of our trip through images and videos. unfortunately, while i brought my camera i did not take any pictures so i had to find some on the internet. let me know what you think and if you feel like you got the gist.

do not dispute the fact that jay hernandez is the man

2009-04-20T13:44:00.005-04:00

in an effort to try to blog at least once a week, i will temporarily adopt the style of one of ben's 14 blogs and rate something. knowing that anyone reading this blog will probably be immediately dismissive, let me state that i am a big fan of horror movies and generally hold them in higher regard than the average movie watcher.

last week i watched the movie quarantine, starring jennifer carpenter of white chicks fame*, jonathon schaech (lead singer of the oneders), jay hernandez (starting strong safety for the permian high panthers, also in crazy/beautiful, also i love him**) and also this guy:
you know you've seen him in tons of things and are always like "oh yeah, that guy..."

anyways, the basic premise is a news reporter (carpenter) is filming a ride along with the fire department. they get a call and go to an old apartment building where they find an old woman who is clearly having problems that could be described as horrific. scary things continue to happen all while being filmed by the reporter's cameraman. also, the cdc has blocked off the surrounding neighborhood, completely tarped the building and is opening fire on anyone trying to leave the building. i don't want to give too much away, and would rather explain some of the components of why i think this movie worked and why i really enjoyed it.

the cast

as i mentioned previously, i really liked the casting choices made for the movie as i am already a big fan of carpenter and hernandez. they all give very realistic and believable performances and i think that's probably the best compliment you can give actors in a horror movie. they acted and reacted in reasonable ways, similar to how i feel like i would, which is often times a problem in horror movies.

the writing/directing

the plot is pretty basic in premise, but the pacing was really well done. things happened at unexpected moments and some main characters bit it when you least expected it. the camera work was excellent in keeping with the documentary style the movie was going for, without the motion sickness from movies like the blair witch project. having the camera rolling while all sorts of crazy shit going on was always sort of an issue in believability for me in movies like the blair witch and diary of the dead. yeah, i understand that as the documentarian, you want to catch every bit of the insanity that is going down around you, but at some point, you have to be like fuck this and just use your camera as a shield or something. everyone has their breaking point, and in most of those movies, the person behind the camera just keeps rolling no matter what and i find that completely unrealistic. in this movie they worked the angle that the power was shut off so it was completely dark half the time and essentially used the camera's light and later the camera's night vision as a way to see and thus making it somewhat believable.

the scary

the scares and the scary people are well executed and portrayed. there were fewer jump scares and more a growing general sense of dread and claustrophobia. there were many horrific moments with people with fucked up faces and general craziness. the premise that the government would quarantine people like they do in the movie is pretty messed up and not so believable, but i read somewhere on the internet that this sort of thing has happened before.

the verdict

so i acknowledge that this is not a cinematic masterpiece. i did recently see let the right one in, which is much artier and more beautiful and i am assuming much more critically acclaimed. this is just a fun and scary movie with a lot of components i wish more horror movies had. it's not perfect, but for me it was really really good. i would recommend it to anyone who at least sort of likes horror movies. i wish i had burned a copy of it before rushing it back to netflix. i might even consider buying it as i know i would rewatch it.

final grade: b+

*bonus video of jennifer carpenter (w/ kim kelly) engaging in a dance battle

**bonus video of jay hernandez being awesome

ultimate fighting kevin

2009-04-15T14:16:00.007-04:00

the new ufc game, ufc undisputed is coming out in a little over a month and i am super excited about it. this game has been in the works for probably 2 years now and i have been waiting patiently since i first heard about it. from all accounts, it is gonna be an incredible game with as good of an adaptation of real life mma as you could hope for. i know all of the major ufc fighters and cannot wait to play as a lot of them and beat up the ones i personally dislike. there is also a create-your-own fighter option that will probably be ridiculous.

as excited as i am...(and did i mention i was excited?) i have a slight concern regarding this game. what if i am really good at it? you're probably thinking to yourself "but kevin, you're not good at any videogame..." i know this, but somehow i could see myself excelling at virtual mma due to my decent knowledge of the sport, as well as my affinity for button mashing.

ok, so i could be good at this game...who cares? i do, so shut up. let me explain the problem with a little background information. i am not a violent person. i have never been in a real fight with intent to injure. i have never punched anyone in the face. i have broken a few bones in accidents, but again, those were not in fights. with this in mind, i realize that i am bigger and stronger than the average person and that if it came to it, i think i could fare not horribly in a fight. i am obviously not nam, but i think in your average brawl, i could get in a few cheap shots before i scuttle away. at the same time, i have never been in a fight, and don't really know how to fight.

being really good at this game could potentially warp my brain and stroke my ego into thinking that this somehow meant it could translate into actual fighting. i would start thinking, "i am kind of a strong guy...i know what the term ground and pound means...i am real good at this game. i bet i could kick some ass." this would leave me open to being drunk at some point and acting like a tough guy, only to have to go to the hospital to have a cast made for my face. or, in a better outcome, have nam (aka jerry chu) roll his eyes before coming in to save me ala beverly hills ninja. i know it sounds like quite a stretch, but i have been known to be delusional in the past.

i can see imaging something like this

i guess we'll see. hopefully i will just be decent at the game and continue my streak of not fighting people. either way...i am real excited! anyone else getting this game?

i need to be more creative

2009-04-13T15:37:00.001-04:00

who got the keys to ma bimma?

2009-03-26T14:47:00.005-04:00

there are certain things that go through our lives and then cycle back in later on. i have discovered that one of these things for me is reggae/dancehall music, which i will just refer to as reggae. as with probably everyone, i was first exposed to reggae as a kid with bob marley...specifically legend. fast forward years later and i get into artists like jimmy cliff and buju banton (thanks to momma afrika...pow!). but as with my immediate love of marley, this instant infatuation fades and then i before i know it, my reggae listening is el zilcho.

over the years, this re-emergence of reggae music listening continues to come and go like the wind that whistles between jessie's ears. today i have suddenly and randomly got that itch to listen to what jamaica has to offer and i have discovered sizzla, who i like so far. here's one of his videos:

so this probably means i will download his albums and similar artists, listen to them a lot for a few weeks, try to grow some dreads and integrate bumbaclot into my conversational vocabulary. then i will suddenly find that i think all of the songs sound the same and i will quickly drop my jamaican accent and go back to listening to beirut.

it seems a little weird to me that i go through these intense bursts of listening to and enjoying reggae and yet there is also something mildly comforting in knowing that there is a type of music that i can mix in with my usual rock and rap that will always be there and will always kind of be the same. it's a pleasant constant that rotates in and out of my life and i think will continue to do so forever. basically...everything irie. i wonder what it is about reggae music that keeps drawing me back to it? post any non-weed related ideas in my comments.

a new world of opportunities

2009-03-25T14:33:00.008-04:00

ok...so i have known about craig's list for many years. i have witnessed dave use the site to turn stuff he doesn't want into money. through all of that, i have never really looked through the site until i attempted to sell my chuck norris approved total gym. my initial asking price was $150, which led to 3 interested people who never got back to me after i e-mailed them with pics. i have since dropped the price to $120, then $100 and now $80. not one bite.

eh? you know you want it.

while i am at my wit's end trying to sell this thing and am about to just give it away...i have spent some time going through craig's list and i now realize i have been missing out on a lot. there are countless groups i can join. tons of other people's garbage i can buy. various activities i can partake in. i had just spent the last 2 hours or so being totally sucked into the world of craig's list and been messaging phil with many of the gems i have discovered. some of these include:

taking an intermediate hip hop class for $17 - taught by a guy whose nickname is "brent"
join an a capella group
get involved in a d&d group that is just starting things up after a lengthy hiatus
join a 420 club where they "trade 420 for cash"
adopt a pure bred baby cappuccino monkey
host a pleasure party
assist in taking some boudoir photography
get a "killer hand/foot massage" in dupont
join a jamaican 420 club
give someone one of my kidneys

obviously at least half of these items are silly to me, but i assume serious for the posters. there were various other postings for activities and items for sale that i would actually be interested in, but they are not very amusing. going through the endless lists elicited different reactions from me. some of the posts seemed so ridiculous , i thought it would be fun to post some ridiculous things of my own. phil mentioned starting up a unicorns fan club. this band being something that phil and i have a strange dynamic with and with each other about. that made no sense, but phil knows what i am talking about. obviously it would be silly, but something tells me some crazed unicorns fan will get so excited about this fake idea and i will not know what to do. the other reaction is that i do feel like i need to get out and try new things, like playing some sport (i'm thinking kickball or flag football) or joining some club (like for people who play board games):

bgc: we like board games
kevin: me too!
bgc: sorry, club is full

it would probably just be good for me to be more social, meet some new people and get out of the house more. i will report back as to any future craig's list adventures i may experience in the future.

per dan's request

2009-03-05T10:57:00.004-05:00

karaoke madness

2009-03-04T13:17:00.006-05:00

now that i got all that whiny personal stuff out of the way, i can get back to posting my usually stupid stuff. last weekend was our new roommate brodie's birthday. i was driving, which probably gave my liver a nice break. everyone else got real drunk at my house and then we went to the pub. it was a fun time. i got to see sonny and joe moeller, both of whom i have not seen in quite some time. i even videotaped every one of our friends' performances. let me just say the bar was set real low by everyone...not just our friends. incredibly low. it would have been the best time for me to break out of my shyness and sing karaoke for the first time...but i still needed to be drunk, which i was not. luckily everyone else was and rather than post each video, i went with chris singing come sail away...accompanied by drunkest jill i have ever seen, who screamed as loud as possible for as long as possible numerous times throughout the evening. keep watching to hear the ongoing trainwreck of dumb conversation that's way too loud on the video, plus chris getting dave pretty good about 3 quarters of the way through.

as a warning...this blog gets pretty personal...will post something dumb later

2009-03-04T11:40:00.011-05:00

so yeah, it has been a while since i have posted...and probably for the first time the main reason was not laziness. it has now been over a month since louise and i have broken up and i have been in a constant state of changing moods. things have been very up and down (more down than up, but that is to be expected) and i didn't want to get all emo and start posting tmi, but whatever....it's way better now than it would have been a few weeks ago and this is my blog...i do what i want. but to sum things up, the situation has been a mix of appreciating a little space and freedom mixed with loneliness and missing louise. i think we both know that this is probably best for both of us, and although it seems extremely doubtful, i am not completely counting out the possibility of us getting back together.

one thing that is weird is that now that i am single, dave is suddenly in a relationship...i'm guessing that, due to our ying and yang situation, if i ever end up in another relationship...dave and katie's days as a couple are doomed. it also brings to light how almost all of my friends are married or are in serious relationships which does make me feel a little out of place and loserish, but i guess that means i need to hang out more with my single friends. i dunno. it's all very weird and even though i am ok most of the time, i miss a lot of little things and because i still live where we lived together, i am often reminded of her. i definitely went through a mopey, feeling sorry for myself faze where i was probably drinking a little too heavily, but i think i am past that now and am trying to get a better perspective on things. dave seems to think my drunk-texting louise is not helping anything.

anyways, i am still keeping busy with random things. hopefully ben and i can make a comic happen. a bunch of people's b-days are coming up. brodie will be moving into our basement. i hope to do a sport of some kind this spring or summer. i have regressed in my efforts to get in shape, but will hopefully get back on track soon. i am considering taking some science classes at maryland to see if i can actually learn them this time around and to see if i want to pursue a new profession. and i guess at some point i have to try to talk to girls again....yikes....hey ladies, i hope you like awkward guys with zero game.

this would be the first step towards making movies again

2009-01-29T17:17:00.005-05:00

i am sitting here, still at work, on what i now refer to as "late thursdays". it is definitely nice and quiet as compared to when my coworkers are constantly chatting away loudly on their phones. it is nice and quite, but i am bored. i have read everything i care to online. now that nobody will see me, i've done a bunch of pushups. i don't really have any pressing work to do, so i figured i should blog.

2 years ago my parents got me this little usb video camera for christmas. it seemed neat, but i barely used it. often recording 10 second clips of dave doing something silly or chris spazzing out. with the exception of jessie "singing" along with the harmonica, none of these videos have been particularly interesting or used for anything.
it's a very basic camera that is really built for short youtube-esque videos. it's not cell phone small, but it is compact enough to fit into one of your pockets. it obviously plugs right into your usb port and is uploaded onto your computer.

i don't know why, but recently i have had the itch to harness my inner david silver and record various mundane things that may or may not include friends, family, events, etc. my first planned use of this camera was going to be the 40/40/40 during halftime of the superbowl, but the outlook of that actually happening does not look promising.

so i don't know how or when exactly i want to start doing this. i have to be careful as i would rather not be that annoying guy constantly pointing a camera in peoples' faces, hoping something interesting happens, when the subjects are obviously uncomfortable about it. it's not a deal breaker, but i would rather it not be the case.

beyond this, is my hope that this will get me back into film-making mode and get off my lazy ass and actually try to make a new movie. i guess we'll see what happens. everyone can expect at least an initial attempt at recording random bits of our lives. i just need to keep the batteries fresh, the camera in my pocket, and meet some more interesting people...zing! sike, that was dumb, but do count on seeing me with the camera in the future and hopefully beyond. if anyone has any interesting thing they think i should capture on video, please share. same goes for any potential movie ideas.

if you are too lazy to blog...

2009-01-29T12:03:00.006-05:00

i have been using twitter the past few days and i like it enough so far. i recommend it to those who like to write some "here's what i'm doing right now" type posts or random thoughts, ideas, etc. i am thinking dave might like this format and the quick 20 second effort in posting would be good for busy people (laura). here is my twitter link. read it if you want and if you decide to start your own, i will obviously follow it.

phil has mentioned that my twitter can be linked to my facebook account if i had one...to which i laughed and thought..."what is this? 2007?" seriously though guys...time to retire that facebook account that you never use.

so far i am following 6 people including tobin, who twitters quite frequently, and dan who has not twittered since last july. i am also following shaq's twitter postings as i find him hilarious.

since most of my friends do not use this free service, here are some samplings of what i would think that their twitters would look like:

turbo2oh: ehh...i wasn't feeling that bagel i ate earlier. i wish they would just time them and make them fresh for when i buy them...complain, complain, complain....

pir7plus1: arrr....(something about politics)

ultrimag: here's a secret...every time i look to the side and arch my eyebrows i pretend i am posing on a runway...shhh...

junyercitizen: i never, ever, ever clean my bathroom and it is hilarious.

ok everyone, time to get started.

another contemplative career change rambling

2009-01-26T11:30:00.011-05:00

recently i have been working out with various friends and it has been a good time. nicki joined my gym and we had a pretty serious workout session as she was giving me frequent dirty looks and cursed interval sprints. she needs to get stronger in her upper body as she has aspirations of being a firefighter. on saturday i worked out with dan and phil and i ran them through a typical workout i do. they both did well although dan kept mentioning that he thought he was gonna pass out...i think that means he just needs to work harder. phil discovered that something is not quite right when he tries to deadlift, but he did well with the squat.

i think the point of this is that i enjoy working out with people and enjoy any teaching or coaching that goes along with having a little more experience on the subject. i obviously don't know enough to really be a trainer, but it is nice to find a subject that does not involve videogames, drinking or watching tv that i actually find fascinating and enjoy. along with this is a very strong interest in nutrition and how it goes together with training. more and more i am nerding out on this stuff.

going back to school to pursue something like becoming a nutritionist or trainer is definitely something that runs through my mind, especially when i am feeling particularly tired of and frustrated by my boring computer job. currently i am a little hesitant in working with others as i feel like i am in that limbo area of knowing enough to get myself into trouble, but not enough that i can confidently give advice on these subjects. i want to help, but am not in any way trained to assess someone's strength and other various issues. i read stuff and know how things work with my body, but i realize that that perspective is very limiting. for instance, dan broke his arm in high school (not my fault) and because of this he has some pretty uneven shoulders. he tried some dips and it did not feel right. i wanted to try and give him some different exercise that would work better, but i was not confident in having him try something else, as i did not want to fuck his shoulder up. phil was having trouble maintaining his form during his deadlifts and i guessed that it was his hip mobility, but had no real expertise or experience to really explain why i thought that was the issue.

(phil rounds out his lower back and has a painful expression)
me: that doesn't look right phil.
phil: no shit. it doesn't feel right either.
me: hmmm...i bet it's a lack of hip mobility.
phil: why do you think that?
me: i dunno.
phil: ...
me: i guess this exercise is not for you.

another thing to consider is that if i were to ever become something in training or nutrition, i would need to look the part as i don't think people like taking advice from do as i say not as i do types. i picked up a program called precision nutrition, that dave and i plan on studying and following. it seems to do a really good job of explaining the basics of nutrition and how to apply it. i think that it could serve as a good indicator of whether or not i really have an interest in this type of thing. also, it will hopefully help us lose some weight.

i realize that i have been writing and whining about this stuff a lot lately, but writing it out helps me gather my thoughts and will hopefully lead to some sort of action. if anyone has any lifting or nutrition questions, post them in the comments and it will give me a chance to research it and give you a (hopefully) helpful answer. even if you don't really need to know, make something up, it will give me some practice and something to do when i am bored at work.

nice try fox news

2009-01-22T15:40:00.002-05:00

i'm pretty sure you haven't witnessed the obama's doing all of these activities.

this seems about right

2009-01-22T10:30:00.007-05:00

i stole this from some forum post but found it was good in continuing with my japanese theme of the day. it was a brochure an ex pat living in japan received from his travel agent prior to flying to back to the u.s. it was basically a guide on what to expect and prepare for when you visit the u.s. here are the bullet points that i found most important:

The yen is very strong against the dollar right now. This will make goods in America seem very cheap -- an excellent opportunity for shopping! However, remember to be polite in your use of money -- America is in the middle of economic malaise right now, and Japanese people with wads of money in their hand might be looked on with envy. Besides, if you are obviously wealthy in an American city, you may be robbed.
Most Americans are very polite, particularly outside of the big cities. However, outside of the big cities, everyone owns guns. Inside the big cities, almost everyone owns guns. Let's be polite together!
Most Americans think we look like Chinese or Koreans. Try not to be too offended.
Most Americans will think that a Japanese person standing on the street is an American, unless they are holding a camera. If you are not comfortable speaking English, you might try bringing along a camera to say "I am a tourist, please don't expect me to speak English." Except, don't try this in the big cities -- tourists get mugged in big cities.
In general, Americans consider it impolite to discuss politics. However, this January Obama will become the new president, and many people are excited! If they ask you what you think of him, a safe answer is [English] "Obama is really cool." or [English] "Obama speaks so well. Not like me. Hehe." Be very careful when pronouncing his name. O BA MA, just like Obama City.
Ladies: if you shop for clothes, ask for where to find [English] "petite". It means normal sized. Ladies who are petite may have difficulty finding clothes which fit in America, except at specialty shops.

even though i have never traveled there, i think this list is forcing my hand and i must generate some tips for americans traveling to japan.

"it's pronounced 'o-bah-mah' motherfucker, get it right or go back to koreatown...."

this seems like a dream

2009-01-22T10:08:00.002-05:00

seriously japan...what the fuck is wrong with you and how did you become so awesome?

i guess i could always give teaching another shot

2009-01-21T14:22:00.004-05:00

even though i will probably be at this same job forever, recently my thoughts and yearnings for a new career have been getting more intense and frequent. going back to school could be an option even though i am terrified by it. do you have any ideas? i really would like to be involved in something i cared about at least a little. any brainstorming help is greatly appreciated.

this really sucks in a good way

2009-01-19T18:05:00.002-05:00

i purchased the yellow version of this vacuum:
i was a little hesitant when i checked it out at target today, as it seemed significantly smaller than my previous vacs, but at $60, the price was right, plus i had a spend $50, save $10 target coupon. it is pretty frickin small and lightweight. i was happily surprised by how well it sucked up hair, dust and dirt and for once i feel like our living room carpet is clean, which is nice. so thank you laura for the recommendation as well as the offer for your extra vacuum. hopefully this plus the roomba will keep this place in decent shape. i also vow to take better care of this vacuum and hopefully extending it's life. brown.

this was not convenient timing

2009-01-16T13:49:00.003-05:00

my vacuum has apparently died and with 4 people (including messy ass dave) and one ginormous dog, not having a vacuum cleaner is not good. we have roomba, who gives a valiant effort, but is more of a daily maintenance type of vacuum....he just doesn't get everything that he should. now i am faced with a very difficult decision, especially considering how much money i have been spending lately. i could go for another one of those $75 relatively cheap, but not that effective vacuums that will surely die in less than 5 years or go get one of those dyson monster vacs. i'm sure you all have seen the commercials. these fuckers cost up to $500, but might be worth it if they actually work as advertised. i dunno. what should i do? i am kind of getting sick of having a messy house and want to take better care of it. my new blogging style has not really captured the attention of people like i hoped and i am not sure if anyone is still reading this, i may be on my own on this one.

i could be eating omelettes every day

2009-01-16T10:57:00.005-05:00

people are becoming fed up with the high cost of eggs, especially those who care about them being organic and from chickens treated humanely. i am currently listening to the npr food podcast about people (in relatively urban areas) illegally raising a couple of chickens in their backyards to get their eggs. nowadays i eat a lot of eggs, often going through a dozen in less than a week. i'm sure there are many downsides (besides noise issues and how it would coexist with jessie) to this idea that i have not thought of, but i feel like it is something that i could get behind and then not actually do.

the enchanted forest seems disturbing

2009-01-15T19:21:00.002-05:00

seriously, wtf? this appeared to be a normal shopping center with a petco and safeway, but apparently watching over these stores is a horrifying goblin king that's all lit from underneath to accentuate it's tear-inducing appearance. maybe they just want to keep kids outta there.

have fun at dinner

2009-01-15T14:45:00.004-05:00

so this has been kind of the hot shit blowin up today:

at first through fifth glance, it and they are all hilarious...almost too funny and way better than me at keeping a straight face. the principal seemed to handle things relatively well. and let me tell you, when i first saw these 2 kids, i immediately wanted to dislike them and their smarmy, know-they-are-funny expressions. but douchiness be damned, i now consider them awesome, that is, i assume, until i see this video a few more times and my admiration transmorphs into a very specific and concentrated form of hatred.

when will they get their own tv show? that is the real question. i am thinking that "have fun at dinner" is the 2009 version of fuck you. i love you and i like your tie...kevin out!

clear eyes, full hearts, hot girls, can't lose

2009-01-14T15:13:00.003-05:00

guess what nerds? the current second best tv show is finally coming back for it's 3rd season. friday night, nbc, 9pm est. be there and check out girls like this:
i'm just sayin...she's like the 3rd hottest girl on this show.

i guess this makes sense

2009-01-12T15:45:00.004-05:00

it was announced that billy mays, that guy with the beard who will enthusiastically sell any product on tv, will be getting his own reality tv show. i am not sure how i feel about this but my initial reaction was a pretty even mix of "seriously? wtf?" and "yeah, i guess i would watch that".

i guess he does need to step up his game now that he has actual competition. seriously though, who wants a boring tuna?

llblog #2 - don't squeeze my hand so hard

2009-01-12T15:22:00.004-05:00

this will be the last count of the llblogs as that joke was dumb. the llblogs will continue just the count will stop.

anyways, this goes out to my friend at the special olympics. i was more than happy to hold your hand as we walked to the cardio machines, but what was the vice grip for? your fingernails actually drew blood before i could take my hand back. you are cool, but that was not. it still sort of hurts (sniffle).

p.s. i would have added an image, but my recommendation to everyone is to not ever do a google image search on "crushed hand".

llblog #1 - yes we can

2009-01-12T15:11:00.003-05:00

while walking around the mall with my parents a few days ago, we came across a stand that was selling those poorly made air-brushed obama t-shirts. i jokingly told my dad i knew what he was getting for his birthday. he said he would wear it (hopefully in public) if he thought obama performed well during this initial presidential term. my support for this administration just grew even stronger.

mixing it up and coining new terms for stuff that obviously already exists

2009-01-12T14:57:00.004-05:00

i have not blogged in nearly a month. i guess a fair amount of stuff has been going on and i have been lazy. i also sometimes end up wanting to write about too many unconnected things that i'm just like nevermind. so now i will be trying to blog little short bits (sometimes just a sentence or three) about one specific thing with the occasional long and drawn out post as it comes to me. is this sort of like twitter? here are some things i foresee happening as a result:

i will blog more often and include more little things that i would not otherwise have written about or remembered down the line.
my verbose essay posts will be met with less criticism and disdain as they will be less frequent.
i will get tired of this new style and start blogging with pictures only.
i will act like i have invented this style and coin a term that will be quickly picked up by the hip and become part of internet vernacular (maybe i should check with dave before using that word, which i assume i did so incorrectly)
that new term will be known as a llblog (short for lil' blog, pretty catchy, eh?)

prepare for llblog #1 coming up soon. read it and be a part of internet history.

another long and drawn out post of a personal nature that will not interest you

2008-12-10T10:30:00.007-05:00

my gym is sort of interesting. it's kind of a weird mix between a lame commercial gym and a more serious strength training facility. i have witnessed a lot of headshaking things. often times it's some well-intentioned, but misguided exerciser doing waste of time exercises like the chest press station or those hip abductor machines. or i see someone doing some exercise with obviously poor form. this often leads me wondering what i should do. as i mentioned in my last post, i want to be more helpful in everyday life. maybe i should politely point out their error in form or exercise choice and explain how to correct it. but then again, who the fuck am i? i'm not one of the trainers. i don't hold any certification in training (although i find most of the trainers in my gym to have very questionable certifications). i am getting in better shape, but am still fat. would i listen to me if i was someone else? its tough to say. nobody likes to look foolish or be told they are wrong. also, somebody who knows a little, but thinks they know a lot (i am referring to me) is way more obnoxious and potentially dangerous than someone who admittedly knows nothing. then again, i want to help and don't want anyone to waste their time doing stuff that won't work or may even injure them. and another thing...there are a lot of other people in much better shape and with more experience there...why don't they say anything?

when i am at the gym, i keep to myself. i have my headphones on and rarely get into conversations. i focus on what i am trying to do that day and don't make an effort to watch other people, but it just happens. here are a few examples of stuff i have seen recently that have left me shaking my head and wondering whether or not it would be appropriate to step in:

2 women lifting - there are these 2 middle-aged women at the gym that do the same things over and over again with no progression. their routine seems to be pretty solid in that they do a lot of free weights and stay away from lame lifting machines or even the smith machines. but they have 2 habits that drive me fucking insane. they both get into the only 2 squat racks in the gym and proceed to do bicep curls with just the bar and a 5 lb plate on each side. this is ridiculous in that if you are going to do bicep curls, you can do them anywhere else, why take up the precious squat racks? there is an area of the gym specifically for doing curls, but apparently that will not do. or they could at least just use one rack and alternate. secondly, they don't put the weights aways when they finish. they just make a mess with loose weights and extra bars laying all over the place and don't bother to put anything back when they go off and do something else. i am often the one waiting around to use the racks, and then end up havving to put all of their shit back to make room. do i say something? tell them to lift heavy or gtfo?

fat asian guy - there is this other fat asian guy who is more or less where i was before i started lifting. i've noticed him drifting around from machine to machine looking pretty clueless. i had noticed that he had started to try the exercises i was doing, but his form was awful and he was trying to lift too heavy to start out. i chose to just stay out of it, but thought that eventually i might say something to him. well yesterday he was in there working out with some fool wearing jeans. this guy also had no idea what he was doing, but was showing the asian guy exercises like he was a trainer. he was showing him the bench press, but put on way too much weight and was essentially doing bent over rows while yelling "all you!". the blind leading the blind. do i approach the guy and tell him to ditch his buddy? do i give him some unsolicted pointers? or will i basically just look like his jean wearing friend (a know-it-all who does not in fact know it all)?

new gym member with "trainer" - yesterday may have been the final straw as i witnessed the idiocy of one of the gym's trainers working with a new gym member. this guy was showing the girl box squats. while this is a very good exercise, he made no effort to show her how to do it with good form. he almost dropped a bunch of plates on her head when he was lifting up one end of the bar to lower the rack pins. in my first ever intervening, i rushed over and caught the plates seconds before they fell off the bar and onto her head. i checked the trainer's shirt. yup, it said "personal trainer" in big bold letters across the back. i went back to squatting. between sets i noticed that even though he lowered the rack pins, they were still about 3 inches too high for the girl and she actually had to get under and press the bar overhead to get it off. this is ridiculous and i stare in amazement in hopes that the trainer sees me and asks why i am staring. no luck and i go back to lifting, hoping that the girl does not get hurt while under the supervision of this guy who most likely got his certification after a 30 minute online seminar. should i have stepped in and suggested that he lower the pins? should i have explained that she should not be trying to press a weight she can barely box squat? should i have explained to the "expert" that she is not supposed to sit on the box for 5 seconds between each rep?

these are the types of issues that i struggle with most days i am at the gym. again, i do not consider myself an expert in lifting or exercise science. i think i just know a little more than the average joe gymdude. i did work in physical therapy offices throughout college and i do nerd out a lot, reading stuff at work, because i find it very interesting at the moment...it may have taken up the hole that was left behind after i stopped caring as much about fantasy football. speaking of fantasy football, i am matched up against laura, whose team is ridiculously hot as of late. i am pretty sure that i will lose, but you never know.

back to lifting and training...i do really enjoy lifting with people i know and like helping them learn if i happen to know more than them. starting tomorrow i will be volunteering at the special olympics powerlifting group, so that should be fun. i wonder if i had begun lifting in college, would i have chosen a different career path? i could see myself enjoying this kind of work, even though i am sure the pay is pretty shitty. i think i would become very knowledgeable since i actually find this stuff fascinating. i dunno. part of all of this thinking is based on my current hatred of (or at least extreme lack of enthusiasm towards) my stable, decent paying office job. i know i will eventually need to reexamine my career and find something that i care about, but it's all very overwhelming and scary to think about. in the meantime i will slack at work, continue to try to get in better shape and probably just watch in horror as people do dumb stuff at the gym.

i want to do good, but i also want to complain

2008-12-05T13:57:00.003-05:00

so if you read this blog at all, you probably get the sense that i am trying to make some general improvements in my life and part of that is being more giving and helpful. i have made some concerted efforts to help in areas that really strike home with me and i have also been more open to randomly helping people who ask for it.

although i have missed the last few events because i had other things going on, i have been volunteering as a runner for prince george's county spca. i obviously love animals and just thinking about animals needlessly suffering is very upsetting to me. i always have a good experience when i volunteer during their low shot clinics. i have met some nice people and a few weirdos, but overall, it is fun and i feel good about helping. now, let me complain a little. the clinic is half an hour away and i always get lost either going to or leaving there, and it is always a different way of getting lost. they have these events on sunday afternoons, which is when i would normally be watching football. overall rating of this experience - 9.5/10

a few weeks ago, i went to fuel up my car. as i step out of my car, an oldish man suddenly approaches me and asks if i have jumper cables. a few things flash in my head.

we are at a gas station that has a repair shop...why wouldn't he ask them?
it is fucking cold outside
i have jumper cables, but i kind of have a bunch of stuff to do.
he won't know that i have them in my trunk...i'll just tell him sorry, dude.
wait...that is what my normal selfish self would do...
just tell him you have them and can help.
this could be annoying.
oh well.

so i fill up my car and then turn it around to face his. i pop my hood and get the cables when i notice him vigoroulsy reading his car manual for his old as oldsmobile. i tell him that i have done this a few times and tried to remember what dave told me last time we jumped a car. he refused my advice and kept reading...for like 5 minutes. i just stood there holding the jumper cables, freezing my ass off and getting annoyed. eventually we try to jump based on the manual directions and it does not work. i just get out and set it up the way i knew how and voila! his car started. i began to unnattach the cables and leave...while still waiting for some sort of thank you. he kind of gives me this annoyed "thanks" under his breath. i leave feeling good about helping someone, but annoyed with that person cause he was an asshole. overall rating of this experience - 3.5/10

i had agreed to be part of a malaria study for the red cross since i had traveled to the dominican republic this year. last night i went and drove all over columbia looking for this building, when all of the buildings looked the same. i had to ask 5 different people for help and nobody seemed to know. finally i flagged down a fed ex delivery guy and he directed me to the building, which was a good 5 minute walk from where i was. when i got there they kept me waiting for a while and i definitely contemplated just leaving. they finally saw me and the blood withdrawal process was pretty quick, although i realize that i am not a fan of needles at all. i couldn't even look when they did it, even though i barley felt it. they will be sending me a $45 check for my time, which is nice i guess. i can start donating blood in june, which i will hopefully do. overall rating of this experience - 7/10

next up is my first meeting to volunteer for the special olympics. i am pretty excited about this, but based on the little annoyances and hiccups from my other efforts to help, i am going in with reasonable expectations. if if do end up going through with this, i could help coach athletes in basketball (i will be crossing them up left and right), bowling, weight-lifting or swimming. i have worked with people with special needs in the past and it is usually a good experience, but this will be my first time with this organization. one strike against it already is that this meeting is on sunday afternoon. i will keep my fingers crossed and complain about my experiences in a future blog.

stuff you should see

2008-12-05T10:30:00.004-05:00

here's another random roundup of stuff (pretty animal-heavy) you should check out on the internet.

1. jones big ass truck rental and storage - just trust me...and make sure to watch the commercial.

2. the talking goat - you will want to rewatch this. believe it.

3. upside down dogs - after living with jessie, i realize the potential of the upside down dog

4. this dog is awesome - i enjoyed this song a lot

5. zero gravity dog - i wonder what this dog was thinking

6. nintendo 8 - like old nes games? like to waste time?

7. old louis

just keep it to yourself, i am better off not knowing

2008-12-04T10:16:00.013-05:00

i am not at all a vain person. i honestly do not think about what i look like very often. people like to joke about my muscles and my wearing tight clothes, both of which are severely exaggerated, but my goal is usually to just look normal and blend in with the crowd...beyond that i don't give it much thought and i generally walk around blissfully unaware. with that in mind it is always upsetting when i am out in public with friends and while trying to hold in their laughter, someone points in a direction and is like "hey look! it's kevin!" without even looking, my immediate reaction is negative, for i am well aware of what i will soon see:

see...i bet you fuckers are laughing already

it's one thing for someone to spot some beautiful ninja and scream "it's nam!" or be watching full house and asking out loud, "when did nick get the role of uncle jessie?" making those beautiful-to-beautiful comparisons are both amusing and not embarrassing to anyone involved. not so much when someone sees someone that i resemble.

now, even though i have been getting better, i know that i am not in great shape and am still a good 30 pounds overweight, but as i mentioned above, how i look is not usually on my mind, so when something like that is brought to my attention, it's a hurtful reality slap in the face. the same goes for photos. i have accepted that i am definitely not photogenic, but pictures cannot really be avoided. pointing to the other fat asian guy in the room and jokingly calling him my twin can and should be avoided by those who care about my mental well-being.

this little rant was not spawned by any specific event, but just a buildup over the years of slowly breaking me down until i get to the point of complaining and whining about it on my blog. so next time you see some guy that you think looks like me, and i also happen to be there, i ask that you contain your giggling, make a mental note if you wish and wait until i go to the bathroom or something before making the comparison known to everyone else.

cleaned-up nick? why not? no harm done.

nam. they're both elegant and they both fight.

i suppose i never noticed it before, but dave does resemble han solo, but it's cool, harrison ford is a good-looking guy.

seriously though...it's not cool.

she & me? it could happen...

2008-12-03T11:21:00.006-05:00

it's been a little while since my last post, although not nearly as bad as my slacker friends. today i wanted to mention my newest celebrity crush, zooey deschanel. i remember seeing her in elf and thinking she was really cute and had a nice voice. i don't really remember seeing her in a lot of other film roles, but i did kind of always remember her would hear her name every once in a while. well earlier this year, she joined up with m. ward to form she & him. they recorded what i am pretty sure is my favorite album of the year. here is there video for "why do you let me stay here?":

everything comes together so perfectly. the song is super catchy, zooey is looking ridiculously cute and the video itself is very fun. i think there's something particularly appealing about the expressions she makes and the little mannerisms she has in the video. also, how can you hate on that cowgirl outfit? adorable. now i realize she is more cute than celebrity-level hot. phil may complain about her non-latinaness. whatever. she just comes off very likeable, smart (i have no actual proof of this, just a hunch), not crazy and obviously talented. those aspects make her even more attractive to me.

i have held off on discussing my celebrity crush list that has cultivated over many years. it had escalated into an unweildy beast and i realize that it needs to be trimmed down to a more manageable 10 or 20. even with that, there's lori and then everyone else. welcome to everyone else, zooey.

buy low, sell high

2008-11-25T13:01:00.005-05:00

in an effort to not turn this into a blog that focuses on money, i just wanted to take one post to discuss my initial experiences trading in the stock market. all of this is new to me and i really have no clue what i am doing. so far so good. i have been slowly making money through the 4 stocks i purchased on friday and my net gains have been bouncing back and forth between 5 and 8 percent today, which i find more than acceptable. it feels a little weird discussing my purchases since i have this creeping worry that i should keep this info completely private, but since my readership is dan, phil and sometimes dave, i think i am safe. so the companies i am banking on are netflix, ge, cvs and google. all have been consitently going up excpet for google, which dropped after i purchased and then rebounded today. i have been also closely examining costco after alex sent me an arrrticle about the company.

while my initial success has been small and pretty luck-based, i have a few regrets. i probably should have shopped around to other trading companies to search for the lowest trade prices. my parents were kind of surprised about how much i was paying. also, i should have investigated the various purchase methods a little more. i just simply bout at market price, but could have looked into setting price points for purchases, especially for google which dropped like $10 per share at one point on friday. oh well, i could have just as easily missed out on the low opening price, so whatever.

i am also finding that the following of these stocks has developed into an easy obsession. it's in a constant state of flux when i am at work so i can keep hitting the refresh button so that as it rises i feel good and smart and when it goes down i feel like a failure. this definitely has a fantasy sports feel to it like when i am sitting by the computer on a sunday afternoon constantly checking on how many points i am beating laura by. add in the fact that this is more or less gambling...investing has filled a nice vice hole for me that could replace actual gambling.

i have some short term goals with this investment that may or may not be realistic, but i know that as long as i make a profit it will be better than if it were sitting in the bank right now. i will probably not discuss these investments again unless i do something drastic, my earnings blow up or something catastropic happens.

goodbye eddie

2008-11-24T11:40:00.007-05:00

a few minutes ago, news broke about eddie jordan being fired as the head coach of the wizards. while i could see this developing, i am not sure if this is the right move. first of all, i have a lot of respect for ej and think that he had proven himself to be an intelligent coach who was able to make decent adjustments and have as good of control of an nba team as you can expect. he always carried himself in a professional manner and oversaw the most consistently prosperous seasons the wizards have had in almost 30 years. with that said, the wizards have continually failed to advance far into the playoffs and are off to a dismal 1-10 start to the season.

hey you! over there! did you just call me sinbad?

part of the blame should be placed on the wizards missing their best player in gilbert arenas as well as the very underrated brendan haywood, who really made the team defense work. with that said, the wizards do have 2 all star players in caron butler and antawn jamison, so one would expect the team to hopefully hover around 500 while they waited for gil's return. they have some ok role players, but maybe the issue was that the team's identity relied so heavily on hibachi and the tmnt that it left the team with 2 very good players trying to do everything while the rest of the team stands around, unsure about their role and focus. if this was a factor than yes, eddie jordan can be held accountable for their current failures.

i might have hands of stone, look like a teenage mutant ninja turtle and be really slow, but my defense is key for this team.

another thing to consider is the role of the gm, ernie grunfeld, who while making some excellent moves and draft choices and proving to be the first qualified gn the wiz have had since i can remember, he has constructed this team and should also be held accountable. again, this team is so reliant on their big 3 and the salary distribution shows it. the problem with this plan is that the 3 all stars are all either at the peak of the career or past it (in the case of jamison and possibly post-surgery gil). they have not shown the ability to get past the 2nd round of the playoffs since the squad has been together and they are arguably getting worse as a group. so when grunfeld gave arenas 100 + million over 7 years, there's no where else to go. i love arenas. he is my favorite player in the league and i have his bobblehead, but looking at this logically, that contract might have just sealed the deal for more years of mediocrity. this is the squad for now and the next few years. the same squad that has proven to be good but not good enough. the team as it stands will never be able to compete with the top teams in the east.

so where does that leave us now? after a 1-10 start, it is justifiable to fire the coach, even though he might be a good coach. it just wasn't working and it's always easier to get rid of the coach than the player. now ed tapscott is going to take over as the interim, but do we really think the team will play better now? what is this team's identity?

you gotta pay the troll toll if you wanna get into this boy's soul

2008-11-21T10:08:00.004-05:00

last night was the conclusion of the 4th season of what might be my favorite television show of all time. it's always sunny in philadelphia has been a shinning beacon in a world of mediocre to awful television programing. i love this show so much i don't know where to begin. it's concept is simple: 4 self-centered friends and the dad of 2 of those friends all own a bar in philadelphia and hijinks ensue.

i was gonna go through all of the characters and break stuff down, but i assume most people are familiar with this show and i will instead focus on my favorite dynamic of this show and why i think it works:

the combination of dee and charlie (my favorite character) is dynamite. dee is arguably the most normal and least self-centered member of the group, while also serving up laughs for being pathetic with her hopeless dreams of making it as an actress. she always seems to start off as the dissenting voice of reason before she is quickly sucked into the mindset of the rest of the gang. charlie is the wildcard of the group and is constantly angry and screaming. he is extremely excitable, has an unrequited love for a waitress that he stalks and is illiterate but refuses to admit it. together they have excellent chemistry and are my favorite combination on the show. here are some of my favorite clips of their interactions from this season.

dee wants charlie to walk in her shoes and experience her efforts to perform standup comedy:

charlie also wants dee to experience what being charlie is all about:

dee and charlie realize they may have developed an unfortunate hunger:

while trying to create viral videos, charlie comes across dee's secret video diaries:

charlie explains to dee what makes an internet video popular (i think i got it. i think i got it.):

are these two headed for emmy territory? don't get me wrong...i love all of the characters, but these 2 are my favorites and their powers increase exponentially when combined. anyways, their 4th season ended last night and they went out with a bang. charlie wrote a musical about dayman as a ploy to ask his stalkee to marry him. the songs were brilliant as were the conflicts:

so who else loves this show? do you agree with my contention that the biggest strength of the show is the charlie/dee combo?