28 days laura

laura and i have discussed having a horror movie marathon, which appears to be a go for saturday afternoon. i am definitely more of the scary movie connoisseur (my initial attempt at spelling that word was way off) and sent laura an initial batch of already on-hand movies we could choose from. after some e-mailing back and forth, we wittled the list down to the following:

• descent
• quarantine
• high tension
• them
• the orphanage

what i noticed was that laura was vetoing anything involving zombies. i'm glad i know that she is scared of zombies. not that i plan on using that knowledge in any sort of antagonistic way, but it's nice to stockpile as much potential arsenal as possible. either way, i am still lobbying to include 28 days later, since they are not technically undead. anybody else have any other good horror movie suggestions?

i also realize that we cannot possibly watch all of these movies since watching a dozen hours of nonstop tv can't be healthy, but we also have chris' ufc 100 party to go to. realistically we are looking at 3 movies, so hopefully we choose them wisely. i am looking forward to laura getting scared and me laughing about it.

it also crossed my mind that this could be a nice setting for some serious dance slap payback, but i'm thinking it's too soon, and i guess the fact that i am writing about it proves that i won't actually slap her. or will i? i won't.

i know i am over a day late, but i seriously love the internet

ok..so here's what happens on the moon

riker and captain kirk are huddled around the space computer, typing away. spock enters the room and slowly creeps up behind them, surprising both by placing his hands on their shoulders. riker exclaims "ahh!, don't do that! you creep that shit out of me when you siddle up like that." spock changes the subject and inquires about what they are working on. "we are just working on our final report on what actually happened on the moon. we're almost finished and space headquarters should receive it in about 20 minutes." explains kirk.
spock ponders this for a moment before deciding that shq is better off not knowing the horrific blunders occured on the moon. "kirk..." spock offers, "wouldn't you like a bagel right now? imagine it...all hot and crispy on the outside...warm and soft on the inside. you can use that delicious veggie cream cheese...spread it real thick...mmmm...just think about it....mmmm...eh?" without saying a word, kirk propels himself backwards on his rolling space chair and darts out the room to the enterprise kitchenette.

spock now focuses his attention on the tougher to crack riker. "look, i know what you're trying to do. it won't work on me, because we have to let the world know what happened on the moon. a lot of fucked up shit went down and if we try to ignore it...it's just gonna get worse. way worse. i mean...can you believe that that alien-" spock interupts, "i left some klingon porn in the den...nobody's looking..." his eyes dart back and forth like he's on the lookout, "nobody's judging..." riker barks back..."whatever...i'm not into that stuff....if anyone would know that i would expect it to be you!" spock ashamedly looks away. spock changes gears and explains, for every 10 seconds that riker remains in the room, he will be removing an article of clothing. riker points out "but you're only wearing a one piece jump suit..." spock counts down "3...2...1..." and with surgical precision, is completely nude. riker can't handle it anymore and leaves the room. spock deflty alters the contents of the report and retitles it "the moon: nothing out of the ordinary".

another problem with being short

man this blog has become whine central...although i guess a majority of blogs are. anyways, let me complain about how clothing companies discriminate against short people. unlike others who are height-challenged, i will readily admit to being short. i'm 5'8...er well at least 5'7 and definitely taller than dave. yes, i know this is short, but not ridiculously far from what i assume is the average height for men (i'm guessing 5'10). yet, when i tried to buy some new jeans yesterday, i find the shortest inseam (30) is still an inch or two too long for me. they have fucking 42 inch waists, but no 29 or 28 inch inseams? wtf? again, i admit to being short...but there are a lot of people shorter than me, and i feel that is ridiculous that i should have to special order jeans or have them tailored just so they can fit like they do on "normal sized" people.

as my friends know, i have always had abnormally large legs. this has been even further exaggerated with my recent weight lifting. so i already have a dilemma where my legs are too short for normal jeans, but now i either need to choose 32 inch waist that surprisingly fits my waist but makes my legs look like they are going to explode or else get 34 inch waist jeans that give my legs a little room, but then don't fit my waist.

i guess the point is, i am realizing that it is hard to find clothes that actually fit me correctly. is my body type that out of the ordinary? i feel that the short (but not super short) and fat (but not obese) demographic is not represented in clothing nearly as much as it is in our population. we are falling through the cracks and getting screwed over and i don't like it. in the meantime, i will be pulling up my pants high like an old person so they don't drag on the ground and i guess contemplating getting them tailored, probably doubling the cost of my jeans.

data will make it all better

With the meeting adjourned and the plan set for in place for tomorrow's time travel, Data heads back to his favorite spot to perv on the girls whilst showering. He walks by some of the space cabins and notices a clearly bummed out Wesley Crusher. Data inquires, “What seems to be the problem, teenage human?” Wesley turns his face away to hide his tears and blurts out “Nothing.” Data knows something is up and offers, “I just got a new bag of Jelly Babies with your name on them...eh?” “That won't help...but I will take them. Look, you wouldn't understand anyways. It's a girl problem.” Data acknowledges with a non-judgmental head nod. “You see, every time I meet a girl, it never gets past the space dance floor. They always tell me that I'm not...that I'm not...sigh... funky enough.”

Data responds, “Oh hale naw! You ain't goin out like that! Look, I know you can bring the funky. It's definitely inside of you.” Data confidently strides over to the space boombox and pops in his space tape of DJ Kool. The music starts up and Data grabs Wesley's hands and pulls him up to his feet. Standing side by side with DJ Kool starting, “Let me clear my throat!”, Data insists “Watch me and mimic.” “Step to the left”, Data steps to the left. “Step to the right”, Data steps to the right. “Now just shimmy those shoulders and swivel those hips, like this!” The young Mr. Crusher watches and takes mental notes, but doesn't have time to be shy as Data just grabs his hand and makes him find his funky. After a few moments of awkward, unsure movements, Data insists “OK, new plan, just close your eyes and let the funky find you.” As he closes his eyes, Wesley begins to let go and let the funky take over. Before he realizes it, he is dancing and dancing funkily right along with Data. They are having a grand time and Wesley's confidence grows exponentially.

i need to find my inner slater

because i know all of you care about my ongoing saga of being lame and single, i will note another evening out i had this weekend. saturday night i went to this bar that had ping pong tables with chris, bub, jill and bub's roommate nora. we ended up playing with this group of 3 cute girls. bub invented a game that allowed all 8 of us to play across 2 tables. i was next to the hottest girl, who jill described as a prettier lisa turtle and who i thought sort of looked like christina milian.

anyways, she was really cool and funny and we chatted a bit, often high fiving paddles when we got a point for our team or else when she successfully defended the abyss. either way, the night was set up pretty well for me to make a relatively low risk attempt at getting her number:

positives

• i came with a group of people, boys and girls ( i feel like arriving in a mixed group like that seems less creepy and desperate)
• she smiled at me quite a few times
• i didn't say anything incredibly stupid
• we had a sweet play where she popped the ball up off her arm and i slammed it for the point
• there were not a lot of other guys around trying to compete for their attention

negatives

• i was not drunk at all (no liquid courage to make me not a pussy)
• she was way too hot for me (obviously)
  
• the bar closed too early, i feel like another round of abyss ball and i maybe (probably not) could have made a move

oh well, another weekend, another regretful lack of trying. this has to stop and i need to man up. i don't know what i am so worried about. so what if she says no? it wouldn't be that big of a deal. i feel like i should have gone through this stuff when i was much younger. i also need to find the right balance of drunk. not be 10 drinks in, nor completely sober. i was the driver that night, so that is part of my excuse, but i think my friends are gonna have dd for me so that i can get moderately drunk...say 5 drinks?

another interesting note was that i wore my sambas after dave's gf made fun of my shoes last weekend. 3 different girls commented on how much they liked my shoes..granted 2 of them were jill and nora, but still...i'll take it. anyways, next week will be a different story, hopefully.

(i was looking for video of the episode where lisa breaks her foot and wins the dance contest at the max with screech but couldn't find it.)