it got me

josie and i went to see a late night (10:30pm) showing of the new movie, insidious. this made for a pretty memorable evening at the theater for many reasons. first off....teens! so many teens. so loud and obnoxious. it really needed a call from the teen hunters to have them sequestered somewhere while i viewed my movie. i guess i should have figured that going to a scary movie on opening night would lead to that kind of setting, but it's still always disappointing.

second, josie snuck in organic fruit gel slices. delicious.

third, i bought movie tickets online for the first time ever. it involved a $1 surcharge per ticket. that's pretty reasonable i think.

i am a big fan of horror movies and will see some pretty bad ones in hopes that they end up being entertaining. my standards are cast much lower for what i will deem viewable for horror over any other genre. so lately i have seen a lot of crap and some decent stuff, but nothing that really stood out to me, or left me thinking about it days after viewing. those good ones are the ones that stay with me and i enjoy watching over and over again. i won't give away any of the plot or specifics.

fourth, this movie scared me multiple times. the scare techniques were very well executed. the scares came often and it was the kind of movie where dread really builds and even though you know the scare is coming, it gets you anyways. they also mixed in random, out of nowhere scares. it was a scare buffet. the crowd was really on edge throughout the entire movie and you could feel the energy in the theater.

fifth, this movie was rated pg-13, just like the new big momma's house movie. i never see horror movies that are pg-13. they seem like a tease. this movie had me tense way more than almost any r rated movie.

i jumped and audibly screamed (like a boy, not a girl) along with everyone else in the theater. josie had to look away most of the time. she squeezed my arm with a boa constrictor-like grip and mashed her face into my shoulder like when jessie gets her lean on. it was definitely the visceral reaction i had been searching for. i probably am whitewashing how i felt a little. as i look back as i was probably more scared to the point where i wasn't actually enjoying it, but maybe took some sort of masochistic pleasure from it.

as a result i feel satisfied that i have discovered a new movie to add to my favorite horror movie list, josie is now a little spooked and feels uneasy because of the movie and i now recommend this to everyone, especially if they can see it in the theater. i think part of this is trying to spread the word on a quality movie that scares without gore or cheap tricks. if i dig a little deeper, part of it is probably me trying to make other people suffer the same way i did in my dread-filled movie experience, that i am now remembering fondly but probably at the time just wanted to end.



go see it. i would probably pay to see it again...just expect a lot of "oh man, watch this part!!!"

28 days laura

laura and i have discussed having a horror movie marathon, which appears to be a go for saturday afternoon. i am definitely more of the scary movie connoisseur (my initial attempt at spelling that word was way off) and sent laura an initial batch of already on-hand movies we could choose from. after some e-mailing back and forth, we wittled the list down to the following:

• descent
• quarantine
• high tension
• them
• the orphanage

what i noticed was that laura was vetoing anything involving zombies. i'm glad i know that she is scared of zombies. not that i plan on using that knowledge in any sort of antagonistic way, but it's nice to stockpile as much potential arsenal as possible. either way, i am still lobbying to include 28 days later, since they are not technically undead. anybody else have any other good horror movie suggestions?

i also realize that we cannot possibly watch all of these movies since watching a dozen hours of nonstop tv can't be healthy, but we also have chris' ufc 100 party to go to. realistically we are looking at 3 movies, so hopefully we choose them wisely. i am looking forward to laura getting scared and me laughing about it.

it also crossed my mind that this could be a nice setting for some serious dance slap payback, but i'm thinking it's too soon, and i guess the fact that i am writing about it proves that i won't actually slap her. or will i? i won't.

do not dispute the fact that jay hernandez is the man

in an effort to try to blog at least once a week, i will temporarily adopt the style of one of ben's 14 blogs and rate something. knowing that anyone reading this blog will probably be immediately dismissive, let me state that i am a big fan of horror movies and generally hold them in higher regard than the average movie watcher.

last week i watched the movie quarantine, starring jennifer carpenter of white chicks fame*, jonathon schaech (lead singer of the oneders), jay hernandez (starting strong safety for the permian high panthers, also in crazy/beautiful, also i love him**) and also this guy:
you know you've seen him in tons of things and are always like "oh yeah, that guy..."

anyways, the basic premise is a news reporter (carpenter) is filming a ride along with the fire department. they get a call and go to an old apartment building where they find an old woman who is clearly having problems that could be described as horrific. scary things continue to happen all while being filmed by the reporter's cameraman. also, the cdc has blocked off the surrounding neighborhood, completely tarped the building and is opening fire on anyone trying to leave the building. i don't want to give too much away, and would rather explain some of the components of why i think this movie worked and why i really enjoyed it.

the cast

as i mentioned previously, i really liked the casting choices made for the movie as i am already a big fan of carpenter and hernandez. they all give very realistic and believable performances and i think that's probably the best compliment you can give actors in a horror movie. they acted and reacted in reasonable ways, similar to how i feel like i would, which is often times a problem in horror movies.

the writing/directing

the plot is pretty basic in premise, but the pacing was really well done. things happened at unexpected moments and some main characters bit it when you least expected it. the camera work was excellent in keeping with the documentary style the movie was going for, without the motion sickness from movies like the blair witch project. having the camera rolling while all sorts of crazy shit going on was always sort of an issue in believability for me in movies like the blair witch and diary of the dead. yeah, i understand that as the documentarian, you want to catch every bit of the insanity that is going down around you, but at some point, you have to be like fuck this and just use your camera as a shield or something. everyone has their breaking point, and in most of those movies, the person behind the camera just keeps rolling no matter what and i find that completely unrealistic. in this movie they worked the angle that the power was shut off so it was completely dark half the time and essentially used the camera's light and later the camera's night vision as a way to see and thus making it somewhat believable.

the scary

the scares and the scary people are well executed and portrayed. there were fewer jump scares and more a growing general sense of dread and claustrophobia. there were many horrific moments with people with fucked up faces and general craziness. the premise that the government would quarantine people like they do in the movie is pretty messed up and not so believable, but i read somewhere on the internet that this sort of thing has happened before.

the verdict

so i acknowledge that this is not a cinematic masterpiece. i did recently see let the right one in, which is much artier and more beautiful and i am assuming much more critically acclaimed. this is just a fun and scary movie with a lot of components i wish more horror movies had. it's not perfect, but for me it was really really good. i would recommend it to anyone who at least sort of likes horror movies. i wish i had burned a copy of it before rushing it back to netflix. i might even consider buying it as i know i would rewatch it.

final grade: b+



*bonus video of jennifer carpenter (w/ kim kelly) engaging in a dance battle


**bonus video of jay hernandez being awesome

the enchanted forest seems disturbing

seriously, wtf? this appeared to be a normal shopping center with a petco and safeway, but apparently watching over these stores is a horrifying goblin king that's all lit from underneath to accentuate it's tear-inducing appearance. maybe they just want to keep kids outta there.

and yet another internet celebrity is born

the picture above, which apparently blew up on the internet yesterday is horrifying and yet fascinating to me. are we looking at some little girl who is simply unimpressed with this house fire, giving us a casual "eh...i've seen better" expression? or are we looking at something more sinister, possibly into the eyes of evil?

i am leaning more towards the latter as i am pretty sure she somehow influenced that fire's origin. people are calling her disaster girl as if she were some sort of malevolent preschool mothman or else the beginnings of some awful m. night shyamalan movie. regardless of whether or not she started this fire intentionally or unintentionally with her mind, or even more horrific, just poured gasoline all over the living room, lit a match and casually walked outside to enjoy her work, i believe this is not the last we will see of disaster girl and i would like to now officially pledge my allegiance to d.g. what do you guys think? smart move on my part? is she as potentially evil/powerful as i think?

also, buzzfeed had readers submit hilarious (although not funny if she is not amused) photoshops of disaster girl in action. here are some noteables:

a cowardly theory

i've recently made an interesting observation concerning the colts qb situation. yes, this one is purely about football...so dave, feel free to read this one carefully and then comment.

anyways, jim sorgi is the backup qb for the indianapolis colts. this has to be the best job in the nfl. peyton manning has never missed an nfl game because on injury and as far as i know sorgi has been healthy throughout his 4 year career. this preseason manning undergoes suergery to remove an infected bursa sac and may potentially miss some games. time for sorgi to step up, right?

sorgi has had some playing experience, usually at the end of the season when the colts have their playoff situation all wrapped up and they want to rest their starters. those are pretty low pressure games to play in. now he might have to start the season as the team's qb1 and we suddenly hear of some mystery knee ailment or something. coincidence?

now i have no evidence or really any reason to arrive at the following theory, but it popped in my head, probably because this is how i would deal with it as well. sorgi can't handle the pressure and is faking his injury to avoid having to play. he's cool with his cushy situation of collecting big paychecks, wearing a baseball cap and standing next to tony dungy, but now that the pressure is on, he's wilting faster than flowers jessie just breathed on. oh snap! yeah, i just went there...

anyways, he's probably praying for peyton to get healthy now with some sort of reverse voodoo doll. i checked and sorgi is 6'5, weighing in at 196...hmm, that sounds like a louis brown physique, which is good for running, but not for getting piledrived by 2 300 pound men. much like nam and his blog, jim sorgi...consider yourself exposed!!!