ready, set, gogoplata

well tobin already beat me to actually writing about this, but this one of about 7 bruises currently on my arms from the free brazilian jiu-jitsu class i took a week ago (the bruise was much worse a few days ago). chris was astounded by the bruises and explained how if one of his students showed up like that for class, he would be forced to call child protective services. none of these bruises actually hurt, but i feel like they make me look tougher.

the first class was a lot of fun as i worked primarily with the assistant teacher during the advanced class. he showed me some warm-ups and basic transitions and maneuvers. after that we grappled for about 20 minutes where he administered my multiple arm bruises. i was able to submit him twice, and he claimed that he did not "give them to me", which whether true or not was nice to hear. also worth noting that i was nearly twice his size, but my natural reaction of trying to muscle my way out of situations often ended up with my body twisted up like a pretzel.










i should be rolling with gina soon enough...so adorably deadly








everyone there was really friendly and they kept explaining how i won't remember the moves next time, or even the next 100 times, but that eventually i would realize that i was just doing the moves. the school was kind of far away...probably 30 minutes if there is no traffic, but i was thinking i was on board and ready to mix it up. then i discovered the price for joining the school and i was completely deflated. i wrestled with the trying to find a way to make it work financially, but in the end...the price plus the distance was too much and i have not returned.

after seeing sonny and renee yesterday, sonny mentioned someone he knew that was an mma fighter and had opened a gym in columbia. i checked it out online and it seems to be a nicer facility that is obviously more conveniently located. the prices are a little bit cheaper if i sign up for a year...even cheaper if i can get someone to couple up with me and get the couple rate...and even cheaper if 3 friends want to kick it family-style. this gym also teaches a lot of striking and seems to be a little more focused on training people that want to fight, and i know i am no fighter...but either way, this place might make more sense.
the final and much more likely route involves getting a few beginner books and/or dvds and learning some basics in my living room with dave and brodie. i figure i will get bjj for dummies or something really basic like that and try to not be completely incompetent. if i find that i like it and i am not going back to school this fall, i will revisit the idea of signing up for these super expensive classes. this plan also times well with my work getting a brand new gym in august that will hopefully be super cheap and allow me to quit my current gym.

wheaton tastes pretty good

yesterday i went to the taste of wheaton with my parents and it was a good time. on the way there, i had the following exchange with my dad:

me: we're going to wheaton....i wonder if there will be any peruvian chicken (spoken with extreme sarcasm)
dad: really? you do know that there are literally dozens of peruvian chicken restaurants there. (shakes his head)
me: yeah, but i-
dad: (cuts me off) ...literally dozens...
me: (sitting in silence)...

so yeah, my dad unintentionally gaussed me.

either way, i was excited about this taste of wheaton, as i enjoy eating food a lot. i figured, wheaton would be the place where pupusas would flow like wine, and it did not disappoint. i consumed the following:

• 1 cheese pupusa with cole slaw topping - $1
• 4 pieces of avocado/cucumber sushi - $2
• 2 vegetarian dumplings - $3
• 1 slice of white pizza with sliced tomatoes - $1
• 1 spinach and cheese calzone - $1

there were so many pupusa options it made my head spin and i am kind of surprised i only ate one. the dumplings were really good too. the sushi was ok and the italian food was a bust. that is one lesson i am intent on learning and abiding by in the future. whenever i am at a festival of some sort....avoid the italian food cause it will be shitty. this held true at renfest and the laurel main street festival and the trend continued yesterday. i don't know why pizza doesn't seem to translate well in these venues. i mean...i love pizza normally and actually ate it in some form every day this weekend, so you can tell my diet has been going well.

another fun observation was checking out the random booths set up in the non food area of the taste of wheaton. some of them i found to be ok and reasonable. montgomery county library? sure, why not? i guess kids should read and shit. churches? eh...not feeling it, but it makes sense sort of. latino health initiative? sounds good. new2you computers? hmm..this one caught my interest as their motto was something like "tell us what you want and we'll build it for you". they had random computer monitors and peripherals with generic "low price" or "hot deal" stickers on them, but no specific information. i was tempted to be an ass and check them out, but i was with my parents. the other notable booth was the montgomery county department of permits...which...i just...why?

play him off keyboard cat...play him off

my prior, and honestly ongoing obsession with spaghetti cat has helped lead to my transition into the next feline internet superstar, keyboard cat. i spent most of yesterday afternoon sending various keyboard cat videos to phil. here is a sample of what keyboard cat brings to the table.




so yeah...you get the formula:

viral video + keyboard cat playing him/her out = simple comedy gold

but this also begs the follow up question of why cats appeal to me in this specific way. i am a million times more fond of dogs. cats are fine and all, but dogs just suit me better as companions. i think cats come off as more intelligent animals with some semblance of dignity that just does not exist in dogs. thus putting them in these ridiculous situations with their expressions of being "better than this" and simply "over it" works well to generate instant laughter in me. plus that song is so catchy.

if you agree with keyboard cat being awesome, you can further explore the depths of his being and his inner most thoughts at his new website.

what happens when i stay in on the weekend

as i mentioned in my previous post, i stayed in most of this weekend ( i need to get a life). i suppose i could have gone to the rivetti-based bonfire party, but again, the weather foiled my interest. anyways, this led to a lot of movie viewing. i managed to watch 5 movies over the weekend, 3 of them all the way. here are my takes on these 5 movies in the order that i watched them in.

ping pong playa
this movie about a chinese american guy in his young adulthood, refusing to grow up and accept his reality, which unfortunately for him, does not include playing in the nba. now i have previously played around with a story sort of similar to this, but where mine went a very distinctively assy direction, this movie kept it funny, but eventually worked the redemption/growing up angle. it was a sweet story with some very funny, yet real performances. it does a good job of presenting asian americans in a more realistic way than most movies. i think for me, it was nice to see an asian male play the lead in a movie that did not include martial arts. it was not a perfect movie, but i think it really accomplished what it intended to and i thoroughly enjoyed it. grade: a-

jcvd

this meta movie where jean-claude van damme plays himself seemed appealing to me. essentially, while deperately dealing with trying to regain custody of his daughter, he gets caught up in the middle of an ongoing bank robbery and is held hostage. because of some unfortunate occurances, the people outside including the police believe that jcvd is the one holding everyone hostage. i got about halfway through but got bored. van damme seems to be doing a good job playing himself, but i was expecting more from all the hype. incomplete grade: c



special

this little indie flick starred one of may faves, michael rappaport, as a meter maid who is bored and unhappy with his humdrum life. he decides to take part in a drug study where he takes an experimental antidepressant. while the goal of the drug is to lessen someone's feelings of self doubt, he has the reaction of gaining superpowers that only he seems to see (he is a comic book nerd). it was a good idea and executed pretty well for what was clearly a low budget. grade: b



blackout

this was a very questionable horror movie involving 3 people who get stuck in an elevator. they each have their own relatively formulaic back stories. time on the elevator goes on and through the retelling of said back stories, it is realized that one of them is actually a serial killer! dundundun! it was honestly pretty lame and i continued to watch due to not having anything else to do, but i did not hesitate when dave inquired about switching over to the caps game. incomplete grade: d



never surrender

oh man was this movie bad. it "starred" mma stars bj penn, gsp, rampage, heath herring and anderson silva. but the main character was played by hector echavarria...who also directed, if that tells you anything. this was essentially a rehash of various old van damme movies, but executed even more poorly. it is essentially an illegal mma organization with "no rules". they claimed to pay the same as other orgs, but without the managers and trainers to worry about....hey guess what geniuses, half of the fighters' money comes from sponsors...forget about that? why would anyone want to fight in front of way less people for roughly the same amount of money and the risk of death is like a million times higher? anyways, some key things to note:

• there were at least 3 drawn-out softcore sex scenes.
• gsp's voice was dubbed (unintentionally hilarious)
• the fighting scenes were lame
• the main character was a very old and out of shape mma champion
• the bad guy was like a roided up malkovich from rounders
• the line, "i remember _____. but he disappeared from mma a few years ago!" was stated by the main character 4 times.

grade: d

all except for never surrender are available on netflix's watch instantly, so you should check them out if any interested you or if you have some time to kill.

it's all public now

i feel like a girl when i write about these things, but i am fat. i don't know why it has that stigma attached to it...just as many guys are overweight...i guess it's just viewed as more girly to worry about it. but i am trying to care more about my health and my being fat is directly related. anyways, knowing this, i have decided that social support/ridicule might be a good way to get down to a somewhat acceptable and healthy weight and is something i never tried.

with that in mind, i had joined forces with dave's skinny gf to lose weight in some sort of biggest loser non competition agreement. i won't go into her details, but i will admit to have a starting weight of 206. i know...that's a fucking lot for someone who is questionably 5'8 (at least 3 inches taller than dave). the plan is to lose a total of 20lbs (186) by august 1. while we started the agreement on wednesday night, i had actually lost 4 lbs to get down to 202 on saturday. good start.

while i can be good during the week, of course i got derailed over the weekend. i blame dave as he started things off with presenting a treasure trove of candies purchased from 5 below. it started me off on a downward spiral that my insulin levels would not recover from. i did manage to only drink 1 beer and no liquor the entire weekend. i consider that at least a partial victory, but the candy binge and snacking from staying in both nights was truly a setback. i weighed myself this morning: 205.

so i basically undid my good work last week and am back to where i started. i will hopefully continue to be pretty strict with my eating during the week and also really minimize my damage during the weekend. i will continue to hit the gym 3 or 4 times a week and also include more non-exercise physical activity (nepa for those in the know).

i will also try to keep myself accountable by posting my updates weekly so if i am slacking, i will feel ashamed. hopefully this doesn't just make me give up and instead serves as an outside force that keeps me motivated. now what i need from my friends is to call me out, especially on the weekends when i am straying far off from healthy diet. here are some examples:

• sean k should toss my pizza pie off into the distance like a frisbee
• dave should ask for one bite of my spaghetti and roll the entire plates worth onto his fork
• brodie should go all michael flatley on my bag of chips...i won't eat crumbs
• laura should slap dance the candy out of my hand just before it reaches my mouth
• nam should kick my burrito so that all that's left are the beans and veggies
• chris should take all of my whiskey shots for me
• phil should bench press anything i order that involves a bread bowl
• dan should take my greasy chinese carryout and run it over with his bicycle
  

ok...you get the idea. i know that while the first few pounds might come off easily, the further down i go, the tougher it becomes, but i have to try. i think i am feeling focused and can have a good week. so assuming all goes according to plan, i will be fighting anderson silva in august. thanks in advance for your annoying help everyone.