Friday, October 17, 2008


dave's most recent blog discussed his recent video game purchase, nhl 09. this has made me want to blog about one of the things louise got for me for my birthday, tiger woods 09. i really enjoy golfing video games and play them with louise and chris all the time. there is something about the pacing of the game that is nice since my reflexes have been going downhill regardless of what people saw when i played hot hands. i also really enjoy the extremely detailed create-a-player option that allows me to create some real freaks that everyone seems to loves to hate on. also i am very good at the game.

anyways, we played it at lee's birthday party last weekend using the official drinking rules, that led me down a dark path as i had to take shots of tequilla for every eagle i shot. even with this obstacle to overcome, i somehow finished with what i am pretty sure is the best game i have ever played. i scored a 48 in an 18 hole course. to give you some historical perspective of how mindblowing that score is, the lowest real golf score ever recorded in history is 55. as far as i know, tiger woods himself has never broken 60 strokes in an 18 hole course. so imagine his reaction when i roll up to his house and shoot a sub 50! it might just make him quit golf altogether...maybe he gets a job at best buy or something, cause he would know my golfing would haunt him forever.

my joining the pga tour would change things forever. i would be crushing my opponents to the point where my lead would be insurmountable after the 2nd hole. you would think beating professional golfers who have been playing their entire lives and more or less making them look silly would get old. to spice things up, i might start to hotdog a little. here are some ideas to makes the games reasonably close, entertain the fans and humiliate/enrage my opponents:
  • play a few holes wearing a blindfold
  • putt with my driver and drive with my putter
  • pants tiger woods when he is trying to putt
  • switchhit
  • casually engage in a conversation with my opponent, while maintaining eye contact, secretly putt the ball into the hole, then walk away with the opponent expecting me to putt, later realizing i did it while we were talking
  • bank shots off of obstacles ala happy gilmore
  • steal tiger woods' golf cart and drive it into a water hazard
  • play a round with one of those plastic kids golf sets

going too far? i hope so. i bet i could also put that watering can to good use too.

i could go on. i think stuff like this would make me the hit of the pga tour. now some of you may be questioning the transfer of my videogame golf abilities to actual physical golf. has anyone played me in mini golf before? because if you have that's one definite loss on your mini golf record. if you haven't played me before, it's probably best for your general well-being that you avoid the humiliation and frustration that comes from losing to me. so look forward to me making a huge splash on the pga circuit in the near future...maybe tiger will want to be my caddy...

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