ugh...don't read this...i'm already embarassed

i have to hand it to me, i've stuck with this blog thing for a solid month, authoring around 25 posts. it has been fun. i guess i haven't had an outlet for creativity in a little while and i missed it. i know that i am still not a good writer, but i think overall my posts have been successful, at least in my eyes.

i know i had written originally that i didn't care if anyone else read this and that it was just for me. but as with any creative process, it's important to receive feedback, which has been tough to say the least. i guess i jumped into this blog thing about 4 years too late, so i really don't know the first thing about getting people to read my stuff. i never really was much of a discussion board poster, so i was never really involved in any online communities. i have been urging most of my close friends to read the blog, although i get the feeling that about 90% either don't actually read it or briefly skim it and think it's lame. i mean, they all work and have busy lives and do not really have the downtime that i have at my work, so it's understandable. i also don't want to be annoying and constantly update people on stuff that they could care less about. i guess i need to decide whether or not i should really push it on people and hope that if given the time, they will read it and like it, or else, just stop asking people to read it. currently i am straddling the line in between and it is simultaneously making me feel needy and embarrassed to keep asking people as well as disappointed that nobody actually reads this.

this week i have made some attempts at venturing out to getting strangers to read my blog. i joined blogrush which is actually a really cool site from what i can tell, that would be a good way to connect blog readers to content that they would be interested in reading. i have also posted comments on other blogs and discussion boards using my blog's url as my signature. that has worked ok, in as much as interacting with strangers, but it has not had any effect on getting more people to click on my blog. i am not delusional with hopes of hundreds of readers...but if say 5 people i didn't previously know were to read and comment on my blog, that would make a big difference.

i believe another obstacle for this blog is that i write about too many subjects that are not really related in any way other than the fact that they are things that i personally am interested in. so unless theres a bunch of people out there just like me, i'm kinda sol. i was considering breaking this up into multiple blogs that are more subject specific. that way i could "promote" it easily and possibly attract more readers. the problem is, while i have basic knowledge and interest in many of these subjects, i am in no way an expert in any of them. in diluting my blog with various unrelated subjects, i can make up for my lack of expertise in all of them, but if i were to focus on specific ones, the posts would not be up to par with those written by people that actually know what they are talking about.

so i am currently at a crossroads in my blogging experience. i dunno. i find my posts to be funny, and although technically poorly written, they effectively communicate my intended points. maybe if i wasn't so happy with so many of them, this wouldn't bother me as much. if i had just written posts and was like "eh...nothing to write brown about...", then i would just continue along posting my thoughts and not be so neurotic about it. but it's a creative product, along with some of my efforts in the past (king kevin, forresstfeud, beautiful art) that i am proud of and think that if anyone actually checked it out, would enjoy it, share it with others. but alas, they all continue to go unappreciated. i dunno, maybe i am grossly overestimating my abilities and my projects are actually not very good, but i love them just because i created them, like they were my children. that could be it too.

so yeah, i want people to read my blog like the awkward wow dork wants the hot goth girl to ask him out. i want to interact with readers, read their blogs, be a part of some online community that shares similar interests and sensibilities. i am tired of "alerting" my friends when i post a blog cause i feel ridiculous when i do it. i believe my blog is good and can improve. i am enjoying the writing process so far. i need to be more organized, consistent and persistent with my efforts to share my work. all of this is really way more personal and embarrassing than what i usually write about, but hey, chances are only i am reading this..am i right?...yes you are me. as i read over what i have written, it definitely has a tone of feeling sad or sorry for myself, but i'm not...just a little frustrated and unsure what to do. as with some posts in the past, writing stuff out has helped me focus my thoughts and i am hoping that this post helps me move forward with my blog in a good way.