Tuesday, January 15, 2008


zombies used to frighten me. as i have gotten older, i have become more and more intrigued and fascinated by them. i love zombie movies and netflix any that i find, even thought the percentage of zombie movies that are of poor quality is very high.

a few of my favorite zombie movies are:
  1. dawn of the dead - changed my life
  2. 28 days later - fastest zombies
  3. dawn of the dead (new sarah polley version) - almost as good as the original
  4. versus - zombies that know kung fu
  5. zombie (zombi 2) - man vs. zombie vs. shark
  6. shaun of the dead - hilarious, spot on spoof
  7. dead alive - most gore i have ever seen
  8. night of the living dead - the original, classic and holds up well
  9. undead - zombies
  10. the serpent and the rainbow - realistic voodoo zombies
i currently have a dozen or so zombie movies on my netflix queue, including undead or alive, starring chris kattan of snl fame. kattan plays a lovelorn cowboy trying to survive a town of zombies in the old west. i also recently rented another winner which i believe was titled "zombies on a plane". so yeah, i rent a lot of crappy zombie movies in hopes of finding zombie gold. there is no other genre of film where i am this willing to blindly rent.

i am in no way a comic book nerd and yet i do own some zombie comics that i think are awesome. i also own the cormac mcarthy novel, the road, which i have not read yet, but i know it is zombie-filled. listing this stuff off, i am kind of surprised by the level in which i have gone to accumulating zombie stuff, and yet at the same time, i don't own any crazed zombie fan paraphernalia...like say posters or maybe some nerdy zombie movie prop. everyone else kind of has their interest that is sort of unique...but i guess i never devoted too much effort or time into any one specific hobby...maybe it's zombies...

so what does my interest and fascination in zombies say about me? probably nothing good. but i'm not alone. there are a lot of people out there that share this enjoyment of zombies. there are lots of books, movies, websites, etc. devoted to this, and i am quite sure there is some sort of big zombie convention.

i find zombies to be interesting, as well as how different directors, writers and artists choose to portray them. i also like to see the different ways that zombie epidemics are started. i like fast zombies as well as slow ones. there's also just something inherently funny about them. maybe it was because i was scared of them as a child, my reaction now is to laugh at them, especially when they are being serious and they think i should be scared (even though i know that zombies can't really have thoughts like that). i guess i compare it a little bit to my dog when she is being serious and thinks she should be respected and we just laugh and imitate her and mock her till she walks away. in a perfect world i could do this to a zombie.

this also gets me thinking about one of my favorite what-if scenarios. what if i won a million dollars? just kidding. what if something went wrong and suddenly there were dangerous zombies roaming the streets? assuming i was not part of said zombie army, what would i do to survive? what supplies would i gather? where would i go? these are burning questions that need answering. i've never really fully thought it out.

assuming this happens at home with all of my roommates there at the time, i guess our crew would be me, louise, dave, nickie and jessie aka decoy. we would need weapons. dave has a bb gun which would probably be pretty ineffective. we have some bats for zombie skull crushing. oh and we also have roomba...i bet he would come in handy at some point. we have knives, but i bet none of them are sharp enough to cut through zombie neck. what else would be good to grab? we would need water, portable food, flashlights, first aid kit, and rope (if we can find any). we would probably have to make a run for it where our location was more secure and where we had access to more weapons and food. we could arm ourselves with weapons, (maybe bats with knives tied to them?) then jump in my accord and make our way to laurel mall which is close and usually pretty empty anyways. there we could set up shelter, hopefully barricade all entrances and then live like kings. come to think about...columbia mall is much nicer, but is further away. so we would have a decision to make depending on how dangerous driving is at that point.

as you can tell i can think about this all day. i guess it would also be nice to find other friends and family member who have not yet been zombified and have safety in numbers. i guess i don't know what i would do, but that's why it's fun to think about it. assuming you were able to read to this point, what would you do during a zombie attack?


Phil said...

I think your zombie defense strategy leaves much to be desired. Since you didnt pose a particular scenario I'll keep it general.

First you need some situational awareness. Who are you with? Where are you? What type of zombies? Do they know where you are? How many?

Then identify which members of your crew will inevitably be eaten. Any hot or scantily dressed blondes are sure to go.

Second you need to decide on your optimal location. A single point of entry would be best, most likely a basement or bomb shelter. Resources are a major concern if you're planning to wait it out until the inevitable zombie starvation.

Without specific details in your situation I'd grab all the food and head for the basement, taking Dave would be a toss-up. I imagine an Anne Frank scenario where the zombies are upstairs and during the dead silence dave breaks into a drum solo then looks surprised you're all mad.

Also a flame-thrower weapon of some type is required.

Dan said...

this is an easy one. you either hole up in your local shopping mall or your local s-mart.

i, however, will be going to my neighbors house who apparently has enough firearms to supply the canadian army.

kevin said...

yeah, i agree with dan..although phil, your scenario involving dave playing the drums is as funny as it is realistically possibly

Phil said...

No way either of you will survive. I can see the zombies crashing through the glass windows, punching through the drywall and falling out of the air ducts while you comment on how aeropostale actually had a pretty good selection of hoodies.

kevin said...

well if i am at laurel mall it will be more like...wow...lidz has a lot of hats...i wonder how many hats i can wear at once?

Dan said...

admittedly, laurel mall would not be the mall of choice if you were looking for a place to fend off incoming hordes of zombies. but a new set of tims' might come in handy when plodding over the piles of zombie corpses. plus your baby momma would be lookin' fly.

s-mart on the other hand, i feel is an excellent choice. there are only two glass entrances to defend. the sporting goods section has weapons and ammunition (guns, ammo, archery equipment, baseball bats). there is camping gear. there is an auto-repair center for arming and armoring your zombie fighting h2. they have batteries, food, toilet paper. you could get two way radios from the electronics department to communicate with fellow survivors and to coordinate your defense efforts. tvs and radios so you know when the national guard has killed all the zombies and it's safe to return to your homes. medical supplies for treating zombie wounds. on top of all that, i bet they have a battery backup system or an emergency generator to provide power.

i feel you could easily outlast any zombie invasions if you had enough people to protect the entrances and exits.

Phil said...

you can't treat a zombie wound...you have to kill the infected..amateurs..

kevin said...

you could have zombie wounds if a zombie punched you in the face