Wednesday, January 9, 2008

will you ever be fresh again?

dear will smith,

ah fresh prince (or will smith)....what has happened? things started off so well for you, but the last 15 years or so have been quite the rollercoaster ride, eh?

early on in your show biz career, you had a lot going for you. you had a music career as a goofy and generally family-friendly rapper along with your sidekick/dj jazzy jeff. i honestly didn't really listen to your music back then, but it was a good start. then you went on to do what i consider the highlight of your career. you starred in the fresh prince of bel air. my expectations were very low coming into the project...but boy was i wrong. not only were you great in it, many of the other characters in the show put on incredible performances. alfonso ribiero...genius. jazz getting thrown out the door...never gets old. the show was similar to married with children in that a) it was consistently funny b) the same jokes were used over and over again (and we all loved it). you were so funny and charming...i figured "i am a will smith fan....for life!!!"

then one day i discover, you had a supporting role in an indie movie playing a con man...hmmm...sounds interesting...what's that?...will smith playing a gay con man?!?!?!, that is awesome. i saw the movie and you were great. very understated and a nice departure from your work as lovable class clown in fpoba. "this guy has a huge future!" i said out loud to myself. things are only looking up for the fresh prince.

fresh prince ended it's long run on tv and you went ahead and starred in the explosion-fest, independence day. while i enjoyed it at the time, little did i know this was the beginning of the end for you. this began your run starring brainless big budget movies. you then went on to star in men in black the next year, officially earning you the role of summer box office go-to guy. lots of people liked it i guess...i thought it was dumb...especially with your stupid men in black song and video where you did that dumb dance...seriously that was dumb.

do i really need to discuss wild, wild west? that was a piece of shit and you know it...quit acting like you thought it was a fun family movie. you finally do a movie of note and play muhammad there's a feather in your was a very good performance in an ok movie...but then what? another men in black the next summer? then another bad boys? seriously...give it a rest already. what happened to the hip and fun fresh prince i knew and loved? you heard my cry and responded with....i

well surely you will take a break the following summer...or maybe do some interesting character work in some low budget indie movie to earn back some of your made the "movie" hitch. seriously??? come on will.'s been a while since we've seen jazz...if you're gonna make shitty movies, at least throw him a bone....maybe working with him will help. if you need help...i can definitely write a script involving the 2 of you in some sort of hilarious situation.

this year you present us with i am legend...i actually had cautiously high hopes for this one. i always enjoy zombie or last person on earth type movies and i had heard the book that this is based on was very good. i haven't seen it but i heard it sizucks! your movies are commercially successful, even though i generally dislike them all and consider your career a let down. at least i could think, "well his movies suck doodoo, but i know he's still that funny, charming and intelligent guy from fpoba. while i don't like his career choices, i can't truly hate on someone for taking the big money. but today i hear that you are now teaming up with tom cruise (tommy girl as he's known throughout the blogging community) and are trying to recruit people to join your sci-fi religion of scientology. are you sure that's how you wanna roll? do you not see the crazy that is burning so deeply in cruise's eyes? you want to alien(ate) yourself from people like him? i don't really care about other people's religions...i just don't really like the way some people have to push it onto others so strongly...and from what i've heard, scientology is pretty aggressive and weird about it. i realize this sounds a little ranty against scientology...which is not my intention...believe in whatever alien leaders you want...just know that being associated with tom cruise...this will probably not end well. i also heard zenu is kind of overrated. that is the breaking point for me. i can no longer have anything to do with you.


a concerned ex-fan


Dan said...

i got to about the 3rd of 4th paragraph of this one. i made it to the end of the doughnut one.

kevin said... the writing just not making sense or boring? surely you've read longer blog entries. i don't think 8 paragraphs is that bad...